There once was this girl. She would always be decked out in the latest outfit, her hair and make up always flawless. Guys would swoon at the sexual energy that she exuded when she was at a club. She would love the attention during the moment, but couldn’t understand why she felt so empty when she was alone.

That girl was me.

Insecurity, emptiness and a low-self esteem are three things I kept hidden from most people – even from myself. To hide my insecurities, I demanded perfection with my looks. I felt that I needed to have the best outfit, the best hair, the best makeup. I worked so hard in focusing on my outer shell so that people could not see what I lacked internally. Perhaps if I was beautiful on the outside people would accept me and think that beautiful on the inside.

However, when all you do is focus on your shell, that’s all that other people will focus on too. You will draw in the same energy you put out. In the case of male attention, guys would see me as nothing more than a sex object or some pretty chick. Not saying these are bad guys, they weren’t. But if my exterior was what I was putting forth, then, that’s all they were going to see.

Through a lot of soul searching and support and patience from my sisters and close friends, I began to find empowerment within. I worked on myself – my mind, my spirituality, my passions. I have grown up to be a lot more comfortable in my own skin – mind you, I’m not completely there yet, but i’m getting progressively closer. I’m not saying to never put on a pretty dress or your favourite lipstick…I love my dresses and getting dolled up. I’m saying, that while its fine to look good and take care of how you appear physically, dont neglect what’s really important….and that’s on the inside. I truly believe that when you are comfortable with who you are and feel empowered within, it will show on the outside. You will possess this glow and energy that will follow you everywhere. However, if you do not work on the inside, nomatter how nice your features are, or how pretty you look in that new dress, your insecurity and self esteem cannot be hidden and can be sensed by anyone who is quality. Sure, guys might hound on you and think you’re “hot”, but really, who cares? “Hot” fades in the blink of an eye…your shell will deteriorate, and what is left?

As I was talking to my dear friend Paulina, we were talking about how fortunate we were. I think the reason why I have been able to grow up and evolve so much is because I am surrounded by quality people. I have two amazing sisters and friends that are like family who will give me constructive criticism and engage in deep conversations with me. The way we grow is by talking, releasing your emotions and thoughts….the person listening is so important because they act as a soundboard…and your thoughts are bounced back and subsequently you in turn absorb the messages. Unfortunately, not everyone has this support, so it makes it that much harder for them to grow. So if you dont have a good support system does that mean you are hopeless? Of course not. It might require more effort, but if there is a will to change and evolve, then the journey has already started. What has helped me:

-Reading books to expand my knowledge
-focusing on the quality people in my life and weeding out the non quality ones
-regularly analyzing myself, not lying to yourself or “patching up”/escaping my insecurities or issues

Those are a few things I have done that has helped me in my personal growth which has ultimately enabled me to shift my focus on my outer shell to inner self.

I’ll open the dialogue to anyone else who may have thoughts on this subject or suggestions on how people can develop their inner beauty.