Yesterday my partner told me that he was not in love with me anymore. These may be some of the post painful words a woman will ever hear. I am a beautiful, intelligent, independant and successful woman and I don’t think I ever would have thought that those words would be directed to me some day. I was shocked as I honestly did not see it coming. We were happy together, and growing so much together. I am proud of the people we have become and how far our relationship grew in the last year and a half. However, I guess I’m realizing that happy may not mean the same thing as love or being “in love”….are there different versions of love? I guess I’m on the journey of figuring that out.

I believe that in a lifetime you can have many loves, many potential life partners, many soul mates – however, the person who you choose to build your life with – that is a decision. It is a decision that with this person you are going to go through the ups and downs, have faith and trust during the worst of moments and persevere even in the times when you feel you no longer are “in love”.  My intial feelings were sadness, anger, fear and lastly, disappointment. I understand that the feelings or the chemistry or the wild passionate lust may have minimized or at times felt like they disappeared, but wasn’t our bond, our love and our history worth fighting for or at least, trying? There have been times when I felt bad in the relationship and contemplated jumping ship, but never did I make that move because I knew at the end, we’d work through it, and we did.

I’ve decided that there is a lot for me to learn about myself during this experience. Your closest relationship is your biggest mirror…the things they are saying and feeling towards you is often a reflection of yourself. If someone is saying “I’m not in love with you”  – it’s really myself that does not love myself. I’m trying to look inside myself to the root of my issues, my insecurities, my defensive mechanisms that I’ve practiced for so long that they are now part of my cells -vibrating in energy.

I feel pain and discomfort as up until yesterday I could not imagine living my life, sharing moments and beautiful memories with anyone else but him. But life is ironic, and just when you think you’ve figured it all out, the universe throws a curve ball at you. Whether you catch it or let it hit you and fall down is a choice you conciously make.