Ouch.

The most disturbing fact of all is that the conversation about Ashley’s face was initially promulgated largely by women.

Ashley responds with a thought-provoking article to discuss the seriousness of what seems like harmless commentary, but really is the fundamental root of sexism.

“The conversation about women happens everywhere, publicly and privately. We are described and detailed, our faces and bodies analyzed and picked apart, our worth ascertained and ascribed based on the reduction of personhood to simple physical objectification. Our voices, our personhood, our potential, and our accomplishments are regularly minimized and muted.”

I applaud Ashley Judd for having the courage to raise the dialogue about the dangerously harmful effects that such sexist, disempowering and misogynist conversations have on society. The sad thing is, we are all a part of this patriarchal mentality.

Every time we tear another woman down because of her looks. When we watch shows like “The Real Housewives of Vancouver” and participate in slamming the characters’ appearance, Botox and figures. When we compete for taken men. When the first default insult we can think of to describe a female foe is “fat bitch”. When the everyday dialogue that we have with our friends, our kids, and our family makes fun of other females because of their physical appearance. Every time we participate in these seemingly “harmless” behaviours and discourses, we are part of the vicious cycle that disempowers women.

We may not be able to change what the media chooses to present and publish, at least not overnight. But we can choose what media we consume. We can choose to continue supporting our “guilty pleasures” of trash reality TV, or not. And, we can choose to participate in conversations that focus on the accomplishments, inspiration and contributions of women instead of how botched their Botox is.

We need to stop tearing down other women because in society’s eyes, they aren’t skinny enough, pretty enough or young enough. If we don’t stop the vicious cycle, who will?

The reality is, what we watch is not harmless. Whether we are conscious of it or not, the media we consume partially shapes our perceptions of reality and stereotypes. Some people are more media literate than others, however, there is a significant amount of people who absorb what they see and let such illusions shape their reality.

A show that highlights the allure, glamour and excitement of women who joke about being “gold-diggers”,  living in excess and hosting Botox parties is not a positive influence. Period. First, it is not a realistic picture of what women, especially Vancouver women are about. I know an abundance of smart, independent, beautiful, kind and responsible women who lead extremely interesting and inspiring lives. They work hard, they care for their friends and families, they build businesses that contribute back to the world, they lead teams, they are mentors and role models to a younger generation of women. That’s a more realistic picture of Vancouver women – but unfortunately, there is no reality show on them.

Second, when younger girls watch these reality TV stars (most who made their fortune from marriage), what message does that send? When it is sensationalized as it is on the show, the message is “marry a rich guy and you can have a luxurious life like me”. Granted, the character Jodie promotes independence and working hard for the life you want to create, but even she has been outcast as the “bully” and “bitch” of the show.

I’m not saying that the women on the show are bad people, however, the entire concept and success of the show is based on revealing the cattiness, drama, lewd and shocking behaviour of the women. Without that, there would be no ratings. Since the goal of the show is to use such elements for its success – you can imagine that showing the positive and inspiring side of these women are probably not a focus of the producers.

One of the main messages of the show that, well, to be frank, disgust me, is the glamorization of excess. Don’t get me wrong, I love nice, quality things. But I don’t celebrate in my “stuff”. I  am not impressed by materialistic things or fancy cars because at the end of the day, they are just things, albeit, shiny, name-brand things. It’s okay to enjoy luxury, but just remember that they don’t add to you as a person or make you any better.  And, if people like you more because of those things, then perhaps you should reconsider whose opinions you actually care about.

My sister told me something a long time ago that really stuck with me. “Only impressionable people are impressed.”

I’ll conclude with this. Go ahead and watch what you want to.  I won’t deny that some sleazy TV here and there can be entertaining and even comical. However, watch it with a lens of awareness. Don’t let what you see on the screen permeate your sense of reality. Don’t be so easily impressed. And remember that what you see is only a small part of the picture, so don’t take things for face value so easily.

Click here to read my article on Women’s Portrayal in the Media and Your Role In It

The media is beyond powerful. It shapes our perceptions of what is normal, what is acceptable and what should be sought after. What you see and hear influences, whether you are aware of how powerful its impact, or not.

The documentary Miss Representation discusses how females are portrayed in the media, and the negative consequences that this misrepresentation has on our society. Television shows, reality TV, movies, videogames … there is a pervasive message that tells the world that the value in a woman is in her looks, her sexuality, her body and even, her submission to men. One may think that watching a television show like Keeping Up With the Kardashians is harmless, but for many, it’s not – it shapes perception.

In my late teens and early twenties, there were only a few things that my life revolved around: boys, stilettos, clubbing, and Sex and the City.

I grew up on Sex in the City. I admired the women and could identify to some degree with each one of the main characters. I remember watching Samantha, a successful, independent woman, who had no emotional attachement to men, and only used them as playthings. I remember thinking to myself, “Wow, what a powerful woman. She wears designer clothes, has a successful business and treats men like toys, therefore never getting hurt.” As a girl who grew up so desperately wanting to feel loved and accepted by a male figure, to me – having the freedom to not feel emotionally attached or disappointed by a man meant strength to me. In a sense Samantha’s “empowerment” became an inspiration for me, and I saw her character as a role model.

This type of role model may work for some, but for a lost, vulnerable and insecure twenty year old… not so much. I spent a good part of my twenties thinking empowerment came from looking perfect, being sexually attractive and always having the best outfit. But after multiple experiences with low self-esteem, attracting the wrong guys and never feeling good or pretty enough, I realized that my perception was all wrong. I’m not blaming Samantha’s character as the cause of this. But if I was able to know what I know now, and tell my younger, confused self a message, I’d tell her this:

Your empowerment and self-worth is not created by fancy clothes, a perfect body or obsessing over physical beauty. It doesn’t come from tearing other females down. It doesn’t come from men. Your empowerment comes from your accomplishments, your contributions, your integrity, your values and how you love and care for others. Because the other stuff doesn’t last. It can feel good for a moment, and sometimes a long moment, but eventually, it all fades. And you’re left with nothing – except with what you created within.

I believe to change the way that the media influences society, is to change the way we see, and therefore absorb the media. We need to have those important discussions – with our children, our family, our peers, our friends – and ask the question “Why” more. We need to learn to make it regular practice to dig deeper into why we believe in the things we do, and not take things for face value, or because “that’s the way it’s always been”.

We need to choose our role models carefully. In fact, we need to seek positive role models, period. When you ask a handful of adolescent girls who they aspire to be like, it’s frightening how many will say “Kim Kardashian” or “Miley Cyrus”. The media will continue to dish out cheap sensationalized gossip on such celebrities. The solution isn’t to ban the media, but to better equip youths (and even adults) with media literacy and a more informed lens on how they view it.

So how do we create change? As one person, what can you do?
I truly do believe in the quote, “Be the change you wish to see in the world”.

Don’t underestimate your power to influence. You influence every single day – your family, your friends, your peers, even perfect strangers. Your behavior, the image you put out to the world, and the way you choose to live all contribute to what the “norm” is. Have the courage to question the norms that the media and even all your friends are subscribing to. Ask yourself, is this way of thinking, this behavior, serving me and my real, authentic empowerment? You can choose to accept the status-quo and just get on the bus with it. Or, you can use your values and authenticity to be your compass. That’s a choice. And a pretty powerful choice if you ask me.

I am honoured to be a part of the panel session that will take place after the first screening. Please join myself and notable individuals from Vancouver’s media community as we discuss our thoughts around some of the issues raised in the documentary. Below is a snaphot of the panelists:

Amy Chan (Columnist for Sun Media’s 24 Hours Newspaper and The Huffington Post)
Amy is a popular lifestyle and relationship columnist for the Sun Media’s 24 Hours Newspaper and The Huffington Post. A Simon Fraser University graduate in Communications and Sociology, Amy doesn’t claim to be a relationship expert. She is however, someone who empathizes and understands human behavior and how it’s affected by popular culture. She is gifted in articulating the experiences and struggles of life in a relatable and inspiring way for her readers. She was recently featured as a “Stylish Jetsetter” in FASHION magazine and appeared in a three-page spread in Ming Pao Magazine as a “Successful Chinese Canadian Young Female”.

Pamela Martin (Director of Community Outreach for the Office of the Premier Christy Clark)
Recognized across BC as the anchor of CTV News, Pamela Martin is well-versed in the issues that affect and impact the people and communities across the province. During Martin’s tenure on the anchor desk, CTV News at Six has been repeatedly named the best local newscast in Canada by the Radio and Television News Directors Association of Canada. On January 5, 2011, Martin announced that she had joined politician Christy Clark’s campaign team for the BC Liberal Party Leadership race.

Kirk LaPointe (Ombudsman at CBC, UBC School of Journalism)
Kirk has been one of Canada’s leading newsroom managers for a quarter- century and has held the senior editorial roles at CTV News, the Southam News agency and The Hamilton Spectator. He was the founding Executive Editor of National Post and has been the Ottawa Bureau Chief and General News Editor of The Canadian Press, an advisor to the publisher of the Toronto Star, and a day-one host on CBC Newsworld, among other roles.

Carolyn Jack (National Vice-Chair of Equal Voice)
Carolyn Jack is the National Vice-Chair of Equal Voice, a multipartisan organization dedicated to the still bold idea that more women must be elected to every level of government. For nearly twenty years, she was a journalist working in national and international news. As a journalist, Carolyn played a leadership role at CBC National News and Global National in the coverage of what feels like a zillion federal elections… but is probably only about 6 or so… and has been published in the Globe and Mail, National Post, Canadian Forum and other publications. She now leads communications for a public institution in Vancouver.

Janet Austin (CEO of YWCA Metro Vancouver)
As the CEO of YWCA Metro Vancouver, Janet Austin has overall responsibility for one of BC’s largest and most diversified non-profit organizations, which offers services for 60,000 people annually in more than 30 locations. Janet is a recipient of the Business in Vancouver Influential Woman in Business Award, the Vancouver Board of Trade Community Leadership Award, the Queen’s Jubilee Medal and the Big Sisters Big Heart Award for outstanding contribution by a volunteer. In 2008, she was named to the WXN (Women’s Executive Network) list of Canada’s 100 Most Powerful Women.

For more information on the event, click here.

It is happening all across America and now in Europe and Africa as well – rural landowners wake up one day to find a lucrative offer from a multinational energy conglomerate wanting to lease their property. The Reason? In America, the company hopes to tap into a huge natural gas reservoir dubbed the Saudi Arabia of natural gas. Halliburton developed a way to get the gas out of the ground—a hydraulic drilling process called fracking—and suddenly America finds itself on the precipice of becoming an energy superpower.

But what comes out of the ground with that natural gas? How does it affect our air and drinking water? GASLAND is a powerful personal documentary that confronts these questions with spirit, strength, and a sense of humor. When filmmaker Josh Fox receives his cash offer in the mail, he travels across 32 states to meet other rural residents on the front lines of fracking. He discovers toxic streams, ruined aquifers, dying livestock, brutal illnesses, and kitchen sinks that burst into flame. He learns that all water is connected and perhaps some things are more valuable than money.

Private screening in Vancouver July 22. Message me for details.
Trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZe1AeH0Qz8

Thursday, May 6, 2010 at 7pm

Blue Water Cafe + Raw Bar (1095 Hamilton Street in Yaletown)

Purchase your ticket today for the Red Cross Red Carpet Soiree at www.rcsoiree.com or by calling 604-709-6624.

Want to know what cause your favorite celebrity is actively involved in? Check out the roster of Causecast leaders such as Russell Simmons or Jennifer Lopez to see what positive differences they are making and how you can get involved.

Here’s how we helped:

Amy Chan donated to: To Write Love on Her Arms

They are a non profit movement dedicated on helping those who are struggling with depression, addiction and suicide. This is a blurb on the organization’s profile:

You were created to love and be loved.
You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you’re part of a bigger story. You need to know that your life matters.

We live in a difficult world, a broken world… We believe that everyone can relate to pain, that all of us live with questions, and all of us get stuck in moments. You need to know that you’re not alone in the places you feel stuck.

Sunny Shum donated to: Friends of TOMS

Friends of TOMS provides the Shoe Drop volunteer program and helps the treatment of those affected with Podoconiosis, a debilitating foot and leg disease, in Ethiopia that is 100% preventable by wearing shoes from an early age. For every pair of TOMS purchased, one pair goes to the cause.

Make your mark for positive change now – www.Causecast.org

Amy Chan, PartlySunny Contributor

Hence the 15 Below Jacket was born. Design agency Taxi in collaboration with fashion designer Lida Baday created the wind, fire and rainproof coat. The coat is lined with 15 pockets that can be stuffed with newspapers to provide adjustable layers of insulation. When the jacket isn’t being worn, it can be folded into a pillow or a backpack. Taxi partnered with Salvation Army to get 3000 coats to shelters across Canada.

But, does the jacket really work? Well, just to make sure, Taxi’s Executive Creative Director, Steve Mykolyn nominated himself to make sure, spending eight hours in a freezer facility wearing the stuffed coat.

Check out the cool autographed 15 Below Jackets by artists such as Kid Rock, Kim Catrall and R.E.M. and find out how you can further the cause on 15belowproject.org

Yesterday I picked up the paper and saw an article on the earthquake in Indonesia that has killed thousands. There was a photo a father and in his arms was the body of his dead baby girl while in the background, the city was in absolute ruins. People around the world in less fortunate places are dying, starving and will never in their life know the feeling of a full stomache. While my belt will be tossed in my closet in 2 months once it’s out of style, my nail polish will chip and my dresses worn maybe once a year, there are others who with even 0.001% of the money I waste on the superficial, could get medication, food, education, shelter…basic human rights that we take for granted daily.

We comfortably live in North America where many choose ignorance…and choose not to think…so that we don’t have to actually care and do something about what is going on around us. We don’t think about what happens to all that stuff we buy and throw away, we don’t think about the environment – the landfills, the affects of global warming and why our weather is so strange lately, we don’t think because we choose to be ignorant. That way, we can continue consuming and destroying the earth without guilt. We hide behind the excuse that,  “One person can’t make a difference”.

By no means am I saying I am a holy saint saving the world. I eat meat, I buy nice things and I have leather shoes. I’m not saying that you have to be a vegan and wear only second hand clothing and give up your luxuries in life. I’m saying, that once in a while, think about how something so small that you can do, can  make a difference. How about not buying a Starbucks latte for 2 days and donating that $10? You think that $10 won’t do anything, but for those two lattes, you would have provide food and medication to a sick child in a third world.

I’m asking those of you out there who are so fortunate like myself, to stop and think once in a while about how you can help this world. Whether it be by recycling, or using the back of paper to write on, or donating some money…whatever degree you wish to make an effort…any effort is a step.

I donated some money to the Red Cross for aid for the Indonesia earthquake. Hopefully some of you out there will want to as well.And hey, if you can’t, this blog isn’t to make you feel guilty, do something else. Say a prayer, increase your awareness…whatever you do, whether its on a big or small scale, is  doing something.

www.redcross.ca