A few years ago, I entered my first adult relationship. It took me a year to get to the point of allowing the person fully in to my life. And when I reached the point of saying the words “I love you” – it was my verbal commitment. They were words that came with promise and my usual pattern of quitting when the going got tough would not be part of my thought process. Through the thick and thin of it, I would always try to work it out. As some who have followed my blogs previously will know, that relationship came to an immediate end one day, and I felt that the person I invested my heart and energy in to abandoned and quit on me. It was extremely difficult for me to handle as I felt that the one time I changed my pattern and allowed myself to be vulnerable; I got hurt and punished for taking the harder road.

It was a time of my life where I felt so out of control as there was nothing I could do to make the painful feelings go away. I felt emotionally crippled, and told myself that I would avoid any future possibilities of me ending up in the same scenario again.

I dated and met different people, and each dating experience was a failure. Perhaps it was that I just never came across the right fit, but more likely it was because of my relentless effort to cut things off with anyone who showed a sign of potentially causing me pain or hurt. Consequently, things would never pass the dating phase because I’d cut things off usually before it could go any further than that.

In recent months, I have met someone and while it’s taken me some time, I’m comfortable applying the label of being “in a relationship”. The title to me comes with commitment and a decision of entering a partnership with someone with a certain mentality. It means that instead of “tossing it out” when a hiccup or obstacle appears, to approach with the attitude of working it out and moving forward. It’s a complete mentality shift for me. Getting to this point has taken me time, reflection and consciously quieting my brain and shutting off the stories that play in my head that are rooted in fear.

And while I’m in a healthy and positive relationship, to tell you the truth, the stories of my past, my insecurities of being quit on or being disposable, or my partner one day getting bored of me – those insecurities still exist, although quieter some days than others. To be honest, I’m so scared of being vulnerable again and having faith in someone who holds my heart is actually something I have to work hard at. And so far, each time a hiccup has occurred, my ego wants to first react but then I make a conscious decision to go against it and do what will work for the relationship. As my friend Jen positioned it eloquently, “think of what is a deal maker versus a deal breaker”.

Relationships, whether romantic or platonic are works in progress. The closest ones will never be a completely smooth ride as these relationships are part of your world to help you evolve and grow. Some relationships won’t make it, but some are worth putting aside the ego, the fears, insecurities and pride and working it through. The challenges are an opportunity for growth. And we have the power to choose whether we take the road of growth or the road of defeat.

**Picture found on weheartit.com

When I reached highschool, I was obsessed with becoming popular and knowing the “right” people so that I would never be picked on again. I did just that, and started to hang out with people from out side of my school who were part of really bad crowds. I associated myself with people who intimidated others and felt a sense of “empowerment” because I seemed to be respected, albeit, for the wrong reasons.

I made some bad decisions, hung out with people I shouldn’t have, saw things I shouldn’t have, and grew up quickly. By age 21, two of my friends had been murdered. I finally came to my senses and realized that while I may have thought that my life was invincible, I couldn’t imagine what my family would go through if something ever happened to me because of the circle I was associating myself with. I realized that intimidation, sexuality, growing up in warp speed – these things did not give me empowerment or meaning. It was an empty facade that was fed by other empty, lost beings also searching for their place in life.

And while many people likely judged me along the way, I recognize now that I was just a scared little girl, wanting to fit in, looking to be accepted and wanting the one thing we’re all after…love.

I’ve learned that everyone has a story. Those who act tough, those who act like they’re invincible, those who are cruel to others. – each and every one of them has a story. People who inflict pain on others, who bully, who feel the need to demean – that root comes from somewhere.  Whether you are the bully or the bullied, both share a common denominator. Each person has their lot of insecurities and fears, which acts as the root of how we behave and interact with others. The easiest thing to do is to pass judgment, maybe even ridicule, but as human beings, with so much hate already out there, I think the one thing we really can do to contribute to this world is to play nice.

I saw a website lately, where the fundamental premise is to defame and insult people. My heart felt so sad when I saw it. Has it really come to this? Do grown ups really think that if it’s anonymous and online, that suddenly it’s okay to go back to the immaturity of grade school and bully others? These are real people, who have real feelings, insecurities and fears just like the rest of us. The minute you stoop to that level, you have just contributed to more hate and ugliness to our world.

I apologize if it sounds like I’m going on a rant or if I’m preaching. I just know how it feels to be bullied, teased and made fun of. That hurt almost caused me to have thoughts of suicide at the age of 10, and just because we are older now, it doesn’t mean that such cruel words may not have such an affect on someone.

As my friend SK told me, “We’re all after the same thing, love and acceptance”. It’s true. We’re on the same team guys. Let’s try to play nice.

Components of my life have changed dramatically – my home, my career, my headspace…I guess you can say, I’ve grown up. While I will always be the girl who gets excited over a cupcake, daydreams of ballerina twirls, wears her heart on her sleeve and believes that romantic, earth moving, unconditional love exists, I am also a woman who has made mistakes, wasted tears, held back due to fears but, fortunately, learned a lot during the ride.

Today, I look back on my year, and would like to share some of the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

On work:

You can create your destiny. Determine and visualize where you want to be first and foremost as after, you can discover the steps needed to get there.

Calmness is an acquired skill. Train yourself to handle the most intense situations with a calm, cool and collected demeanor which others will find reassuring and comforting.

Confidence cannot be faked. It’s energy. What’s worse is if you are insecure about the value you provide and try to overcompensate by loud theatrics, unnecessary comments or go off on a tangent.

If you are on the agency/vendor side – NEVER get too comfortable. Remember, your relationship is business first and foremost. Dress appropriately and when in doubt, wear an undershirt. I am your client and do not want to see your hairy chest during a pitch.

Balance. Doesn’t matter how busy or important you are, if you don’t get some proper “me” time and balance – your work, productivity, output, relationships and efficiency will suffer in the long run.

Dress the part, act the part, talk the part, walk the part, be the part.

“Complaining is not a winning strategy”. Come with solutions and options, weigh the pros and cons of each. Move forward.

A lesson I learned while working at DDB and with my current company. Mediocrity or simply “good” is not enough. Strive for greatness. If you cannot say that you’re proud of what you’ve produced, then don’t bother.

If it’s your profession, do not be afraid to ask for compensation for your services, ideas or expertise. Your time is money, don’t just give it to anyone.

There is a difference between being aggressive and assertive. As a woman, don’t overcompensate for your insecurity or fear by acting aggressive and bitchy. Be assertive – know your value, ask for what you want and have the data to back up your requests.

Always be prepared to pitch.

When I’m about to get emotional or take something personally over a work situation, I take a pause and ask, “What would a man do in this situation?” It helps me remove the sensitivity, hormones and unnecessary drama to move forward.

On Friends:

Your community is a key pillar in your joy, empowerment and happiness. Be open, share, give, contribute, bring value and appreciate.

Don’t be the chick who disappears off the face of the earth once you have a boyfriend. It’s lame, it’s old and quality friends don’t deserve that.

If you always come to the table thinking of what you can do to give and to make the other person happy, you will always win. The ones who are takers and who don’t add value to your life will eventually weed out.

As you grow, you can also grow out of your friendships. People change and grow apart, that’s just a fact of life. Don’t feel guilt or do things out of obligation because of that.

Make effort. Invest in your relationships with key friends.

On Love and Men…

“The most important relationship is the one with yourself.” Work on yourself, learn, grow, and once you are at a place of contentment and self love, that is when you truly ready to create love with another. No one can fix you, at least not for long.

Have standards, not expectations. Standards is a level of quality, respect and value exchange that are non- negotiables. You deserve to be treated the way you treat others. Expectations are the check list of unrealistic ideals and demands which is often rooted in a sense of entitlement.

Likes likes like. You like people because they resemble the parts you like about yourself. You also dislike people for this very reason. Who you are drawn to and draw in, are thus entirely due to your own energy.

Know your needs, values and non-negotiables. If there is a conflict of what needs can and cannot be fulfilled, it’s best to be honest and address it earlier than later. You have three options, one person changes, you accept the situation entirely for what it is, or you remove yourself from the situation.

Do what you say. Say what you mean.

Don’t ever take each other for granted. That’s giving up. Always try.

Know your language of love and what your partner’s language of love is. You can make effort to show your love in the language they understand (quality time, physical touch, acts of service, gifts and words of affirmation).

You allow people to treat you the way they do.

Show compassion.

Relationships don’t go on cruise control. They need constant attention, care and effort. Whether this means dates, surprises, spontaneity or taking up a hobby to grow together, find ways to keep it exciting.

Always want the best for your partner and wish happiness for them. Even if this means at times you have to compromise, watch a movie you don’t want to or be patient with your needs.

Guys – when a girl is upset, insecure or just needing attention, sometimes all she really wants is a huge hug that tells her everything is going to be okay and reassurance of your feelings and support.

Every real man, has a plan. Have faith.

On Feeling Fabulous

Make an effort on your presentation. Laziness is not an excuse.

Be thankful everyday and share your feelings of gratitude with people the people who touch your life.

Give. Engage in random acts of kindness. Help people. Be kind and generous without expecting anything in return. Karma will come back to you ten fold.

Have a clean home and tidy desk.

Seek the goodness in others. People will become what you expect of them.

Do thoughtful things that will make others happy. Happiness is contagious.

Thank you…

I’m now on my 8th month of being a published writer in the 24 Hours. Thank you to all the kind strangers who have read my blogs and shared with me your own stories, heartaches, growth, inspiration and love.

To my friends, my amazing sisters, and community – thank you for showering me with love and kindness. I feel so strong, empowered and fortunate because you are a part of my life.

I found these words very interesting and true – when we do something – what is the real intention behind it? When you give to someone – whether that be a gift, your energy or your words – is it from a place of sincerity, of no expectations… of love? Or, when you dig deeper, is it actually because you want to be liked or accepted, or expect something in return?

First, let’s talk about the act of giving. I consider myself an extremely generous and giving person and I admit, that at various times in my life, I have given (with the delusion that the act was coming from a pure place), when really, it was calculated or with condition. In other words, the act was fear based. And at the end, I would feel “taken” from, even victimized, if the energy/favour wasn’t reciprocated in return.

I’ve learned that there is a lot of joy and fulfillment that comes from the form of giving that comes from a place of love and sincerity. Meaning, whether that be the initiation of communication, a gift or an act of service – you hold no expectation of what follows afterwards. You don’t feel fulfilled from what they give back or how they react – you feel fulfilled because you know you helped or made someone feel a little more at ease, cared for or loved in some way. That, which is an act that is love based never comes with the feeling of being “jipped” afterwards nor result in pain.

In no way am I saying that one should keep giving to energy vampires, constant takers or those who encompass a conflicting value set in regards to generosity and sharing. Nor am I saying that you should not be selective with who you share your energy with. I believe that those who cannot give love are unable to truly receive it. It is like giving to a bottomless pit or an insatiable appetite that is always hungry for more. I believe in being kind to others, perfect strangers included, but when it involves investing a substantial part of your heart, soul and energy, know that when you are depleted, you lack the resources needed for your own self nourishment. If you do give a part of you –whatever form that may take – and you feel taken advantage of, victimized or “ripped off” – ask yourself truthfully what place that act really came from.

Next, I’d like to talk about control – which is a major ingredient in many acts and decisions we choose to make. I think often, control is mistakenly equated to empowerment. I am not referring to the kind of control in terms of self discipline, leadership, etc. I’m talking about the dark, ugly kind of control. The kind that is rooted in insecurity, which again, is based in fear. And out of that Pandora’s Box, is where jealousy and the “need” to exert power over another is born. You see this in many relationships – where lack of trust, faith and security creates a power struggle, an off-balance and a blockage of flow.

We all have insecurities, it’s a part of being human, but we can either let those insecurities rule us or not. The more you try to mask your insecurity by exerting a contrived sense of control, the more insecurity and fear based your actions become. Next time before you make a conscious decision that involves another being, ask yourself truthfully, if it is fear based or love based. Call it karma, call it the unspoken laws of the universe, but at some point, in some shape or form, love will breed love, and negativity and breed negativity.

“I don’t love you anymore.”

“I no longer want to spend the rest of my life… with you.”

I can still remember the blur, the feeling, the crushing physical pain that shocked through my heart… the numbness. Within a matter of five words, my entire world, the reality that I based my life around – was shattered.

Just…like…that.

I thought I would eventually just run out of tears – I mean, was it even possible for a girl to cry so much, and still have more tears left to shed? In all honesty, I didn’t see it coming. Quitting, not working things out – those were not even options that crossed my mind even in the toughest times. The ironic thing is, it ended when I thought things were going so well. Perhaps I was in denial; perhaps my commitment to fight for something I believed in, and my devotion to honor loyalty and commitment outweighed my rationale.

I felt like I had lost my best friend, I doubted myself and questioned if “I was good enough”. I wondered what was so wrong with me – that someone who had once envisioned an entire lifetime together, could just change their mind in what seemed like an impulsive instant.

I was broken for a long while, even if I didn’t show it to the world, and nothing could fix me.  One night, I found out he had moved on – and offered that same world that was once painted for me…to another person. If I had thought before that I couldn’t be broken anymore, I found out that night I was wrong. Shattered in a million pieces again – there I was, on the floor of my bathroom, in my beautiful vintage dress, crying and crying and crying some more…I felt so alone.

But eventually, piece by piece, I started to come together again. Time was my glue, along with amazing friends, self reflection and planting seeds of joy that were not dependant on external variables. Today, marks a year later, and I’m happy and proud to say, that those seeds have really started to sow.

A year later, I have deepened my friendships with existing friends, cultivated relationships with new friends, opened up to meeting different people, and have built a community that is based on value exchange, growth and support. I sold my condo – a property I had purchased for all the wrong reasons and have moved in to a loft that finally feels like home. In my career, I held out moving to another company until the absolute right fit came along, and that time has come. I’ve accepted an amazing opportunity at my dream job.

And in my heart, I feel content. Before, I was always either looking for someone, with someone or missing someone.  For the first time in my life, I am happy being just as I am. And while things are really on the right track, I feel that even if I lost the external factors – I’d still get up and adapt…my joy is my own.

A year later, I can look back and see clearly how the longevity of that relationship didn’t happen for a reason. I have learned that no matter how much you love someone, you cannot lose yourself and change the person you once were. Despite the many laughs and beautiful moments we shared, at the very truth of it, it didn’t fit. And I knew that deep down – whether I wanted to admit it or not. So did he.  He just chose to face the truth.

If you’re reading this, and going through a similar experience, I hope that this piece gives you some hope and maybe some relief – that yes, it sucks right now as you’re going through it, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. And as you slowly reach it, things just start to make sense more and more. You grow so much, and when you look back, all you have are your lessons learned, the clarity to make better choices and the knowing that you handled yourself with grace, with class and without regret.

We are all familiar with the old adage, “Everything happens for a reason”. But the opposite is also true. “Everything doesn’t happen for a reason”. When something doesn’t work out according to plan, it’s natural for us to feel upset, slighted, or unfairly punished by the universe, but when you eventually get through it and look back, in retrospect you realize how one door didn’t open because you were meant to walk through another.

In grade nine he was kicked out of our high school. We didn’t see each other as much and one day, I found out that he got beat up pretty badly in some teenage brawl. I remember him telling me, “I’ll never let this happen to me again”.

I didn’t see J for a few years until my early twenties. We reconnected and it seemed like grade eight all over again. His core was the same – the funny, brutally honest, rough around the edges, loyal, sweet interior but hard exterior J. However, his extension of self, his external circumstances had changed – within the years past – he was now driving a fancy car, hung out with a group of known gangsters and was making a lot of money.

In this period of my life, I lived in a world of non-reality – where associating with gangsters was “cool”, where being in a group that intimidated others was “powerful”, where identifying with being a gangster’s friend or girlfriend was strived for, and thousand dollar dinners and unaffordable handbags were rewards of association. In this world, all the players in it have a different set of normality, of justification as a way of living, a skewed sense of “right” and “wrong”. In this world, obtaining fancy things was easy, being paranoid and trusting no one was a way of life and to score a gangster boyfriend who would support and spoil you and one day fund your tanning salon meant success.

Eventually, my group of friends split into two directions. One half decided to focus on real empowerment – getting an education, climbing the corporate ladder, moving away. The other half stayed and never shook off their distorted ideas of role models and the lure of easy money. Today, I still see these people out and about – and they are living “their dream” – gangster husband that provides lifeline, babies in Burberry, “front” businesses, and very expensive handbags.

It took the death of two friends and various incidents of J’s recklessness and self destructive ways for me to finally wake up. I thought to myself, I may think I’m invincible, but imagine how my family would feel if something ever happened to me, just because I chose to hang out with testosterone charged gangsters with anger as their guiding light. I made the decision to stop associating with J and cut him and his friends out of my life.

He acted like he didn’t care. But I know inside he did. After all, being in his line of “work” – trust was something hard to come by. I remember him telling me how I was the only person he trusted and I remember nights when he would call me, drunk, and tell me how he wanted to end his life. I remember crying wishing my friend would be okay. I remember us playing as kids, and wondering how we grew up so fast.

J was murdered last week – he was shot and killed instantly one sunny afternoon.

Today I attended his wake.

I realized that while I may have chosen to stop associating with him, the care, and the history – that doesn’t disappear. I feel sad for his family. I feel sad for the choices he decided to make and wished there was a “rewind” button – perhaps if he could see the outcome of his choices, he would have chosen differently. I feel sad that not many people ever got to really know his core, his innocence when we were just kids – before everything bad started.

Our twenties are a very decisive time. It marks the time where the decisions we make will set us into the main direction of our lives. Whether it be hanging out with gangsters, being careless with our bodies, building a career – this is the time where we decide which seeds we wish to sow. J wasn’t born a gangster or a bad person – but he chose his path – which while eventually led to his death – ultimately affected his family the most. The picture of his mother and father weeping for their child lost and blaming themselves for where they went wrong, and his little brother completely lost and confused with vengeance – that is the real result of his decisions.

Dear J (Buffalo as my family used to nick name you)… may you rest in peace. My love and prayers sent to your family…

For every lasting relationship, whether that be a business, romantic or platonic one, there must be an exchange of value. It’s a concept that dates back in history, when bartering was the method of commerce. But for some reason, in this day in age, there seems to be a lack of understanding on the very nature of relationships.
I often receive various requests that are along the lines of:

“Can I pick your brain”
“Could I get some free marketing advice?”
“Do you want to collaborate…”
“I have this event, we don’t really have a budget…”

However you arrange the sentence, if it has the words: no budget, collaborate, or pick brain – let’s take off the sugar coating and call it what it really is: GRATIS, also known as “give it to me for free”.

Now there is nothing wrong with giving or doing something for free. Starting out in my career, I paid my dues by doing unpaid work to gain experience. I volunteer and often provide free marketing and promotion services for charities and fundraising events. I help my close friends (key word, “close”) with everything from marketing advice, writing to styling. While there was no monetary compensation for the transactions named above, some form of value was exchanged.

Value is not limited to monetary compensation. Other forms of value include opportunity, fulfillment, gaining of experience, creative energy and networking to name a few. I work as a marketing professional and am compensated financially for my work and am paid for my creative ideas. I have invested a lot of time, money, effort and education in order to get here. So why do acquaintances and people I hardly know ask me to provide free marketing work so that they can in turn cut margins and be more profitable in their business?

I don’t think it’s a matter of bad intention, but since there is no official etiquette book on how/when /if one should ask for something, there is a naiveté and inexperience around the matter.

So before you ask someone for something for free, ask yourself if they are a professional in that area, because it it’s one’s profession, that means it is work, and work means you pay. If it is a favor, ask if you are in a position to be asking that favor. Is it an acquaintance, a peer, someone’s brother’s-cousin’s-girlfriend’s-mom? If you aren’t someone they consider part of their inner circle nor have you ever sent them a birthday card or know what their dog’s name is, the answer likely is, don’t ask.
Next, will you be making a profit? I understand you may be a start up, but why should someone bust their ass for you so you can make a bigger margin? PS. A business that “doesn’t yet have any profits” doesn’t qualify as a non-profit so please don’t use that angle, there is a difference between lending skills/talents to help people vs. helping profits.

Have you asked more than once? Taking advantage of the generosity and kindness of others is just greedy and yucky to be around. Really, if you are constantly taking and asking, people will avoid you like the plague. Lastly, would you do it for them if they had asked you first?

Of course, there is definitely a lot of gray area and exceptions. But I figured that since in the last two weeks alone I’ve been asked to be the spokesperson in a denture commercial, model for a ‘for-profit’ fashion event, provide marketing consultation, teach social media to a large corporation and participate in marketing strategy – all for free, I figured this article may help filter my inbox requests. At the end of the day, it’s about value – feel free (pardon my pun) to ask for something for no charge if you think in some shape or form the other party will get value out of it. Consider. Don’t just think of cutting your costs and what you can get out of someone.

Pleasure is fleeting. You experience pleasure when you have something – whether that be a person, a decadent dessert, the excitement of a new purchase, but when you don’t have it, you feel it’s  opposite – pain. Have you ever been in an unhealthy relationship where you feel pangs of pleasure when are together or share intimacy, but the minute he/she is not there or you no longer share those experiences you feel immense pain? Versus, have you ever truly, and sincerely loved someone and feel joy whether you are with them or not? You embrace the moments that have been shared, and that constant joy and love cannot be injured.

I’ve definitely experienced both and recently, a wise man told me the words “Move through life fearlessly. Who you are cannot be injured.” While I’ve always had a pretty positive outlook on life, these words were very inspiring. I’ve built some major defense mechanisms and walls to protect my ego and heart, to avoid pain or the chance of disappointment. But I have realized that while I may fall from time to time, I always get back up because at my very core, I have joy and love…and no person, no hardship and no external factor can take that away. Of course, I haven’t always been like that, and there are and will be many times where I’ll feed my insatiable appetite for pleasure… nothing wrong with that. But, I think it’s important we understand the pain – pleasure dichotomy as it will shape our lives.

We live in a consumer society where upgrading and the mentality of “out with the old and in with the new” prevails. There is always something bigger and better, the grass is always greener on the other side and suddenly, an IPOD that holds 10,000 songs seems primitive. Many of us lack joy, which is why we find as many ways as we can to fill the gap with rushes of pleasure. Below is a thought evoking excerpt from the world teacher, Jiddhu Krishnamurti:

“It is the struggle to repeat and perpetuate pleasure which turns it into pain. The very demand for the repetition of pleasure brings about pain, because it is not the same, as it was yesterday. You struggle to achieve the same delight…and you are hurt and disappointed if it denied to you. Have you observed what happens to you when you are denied a little pleasure? When you don’t get what you want you become anxious, envious, even hateful. Have you noticed when you have been denied the pleasure of drinking or smoking or sex or whatever it is – have you noticed what battles you go through?” (Krishnamurti, Jiddhu. Freedom From the Known. Chapter 4).

I’ll reference back to relationships, because I have a lot of female friends who are at points in their lives when they are sticking to the same patterns with men or about to make pivotal changes in the direction of their relationships. When deciding to pursue a relationship, or stay in a one, is that decision based on getting instant gratification, soothing a deeper issue of attachment or insecurity? It is a decision that will feed your appetite for pleasure and consequently its shadow, pain?

Can you experience something, whether that be the beauty of a sunset, an experience with someone you truly love, the magic sensation of a new taste or a perfect melody…and look at it without thirsting for the experience to be repeated? I think when you can, you experience tremendous joy.

I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized.

If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1749-1832 German Philosopher, Novelist and Poet

So just because two people have a different idea on values and what is right/wrong…is that relationship doomed? Well that depends, you either accept it and with patience and understanding accept that there will may be another “breach” in your values…or you realize that there are some things that are non negotiable and cannot be compromised.

We’ve all heard the saying “opposites attract”, but in reality this isn’t actually the case. In fact, studies show that married couples who have non similar value sets have a much higher rate of divorce than those who share similar values and beliefs (Trees, Andrew, “Decoding Love”). My entire life, I’ve never really had a strategy on how I approach romantic relationships. Pretty much if an opportunity presented itself and there were feelings strong enough, I’d be open to it. However, going forward, I will use the same strategy in how I approach my friendships and business relationships; see if there is a similar/complimentary set of values first and foremost and then determine whether to move forward or not.

So the criticism is that people can change or learn, and you may be missing out on someone great because of such a filtering system. Maybe so, and maybe I’ll miss out on some fun and adventures, but at this stage in my life, I think I’d rather know upfront if there is a clash in values versus finding out 2 years down the road.

It’s easy to judge; perhaps it’s part intuition, but there are times when we make a judgment or an assumption that is partially blinded. We don’t see the layers, the reasons, the facts and are quick to dismiss, roll our eyes or get angry at the parts we do see and the story we made up of those parts. We create a story without recognizing the real story behind that person’s behavior or choices.

I too, am judged by others and sometimes it serves me and sometimes it doesn’t. Professionally, I have experienced being judged as “young” which can hold negative connotations especially in an environment where “seasoned’ and “tenured” are highly regarded. I have been judged as a female and yes, have experienced being seen first as a “young little Asian girl” before being seen for my intellect or marketing knowledge. I have experienced being seen as a sex object before respected as a professional despite being completely conscious of not exerting that type of energy.

I have been judged as sweet, bitchy, arrogant , successful, lucky, analytical, insecure, confident, a party girl, an attention seeker, unrealistic… And the thing is, I don’t deny any of these labels as I’ve been all these things and more depending on the day, the moment or situation. We all have so many different facets to us – some choose to not show more than one or two, some aren’t afraid to show all their colors, and some take a long time and a lot of trust to open up – but each person has these layers, these facets and the stories that are behind them.

To feel compassion is not easy nor automatic especially in times when you are tested and feeling something negative. Personally, it’s something I’m working on – to look behind the word and actions that may rub me the wrong way, and instead of feeling angry about it, be compassionate that there is a reason, a story behind why someone is saying or doing those things that you may find hurtful. I invite you to join me in an exercise to judge less – the next time you are about to get angry or irritated by someone, whether it be the cab driver or someone close to you – take a moment to think about the possible story they have that may have made them that way or caused them to come off a certain way. And perhaps that anger or negative emotion will transform into compassion.

-Annonymous

I love that quote and I think it applies to all of us at some point or another in our lives. Perhaps we lost a job, lost a friend or suffered a heartbreak… In the moment of that grand obstacle, you likely feel feelings of despair, sadness, loss, inner turmoil, fear, and a loss of hope that you will ever be happy again. But as a strong human being, you endure, time heals and you move forward. You find a new career, even better and more challenging than before and in retrospect see how if that first door hadn’t closed, another would not have opened. You realize that you will never be able to bring someone back to life, but the memories and the energy of them is a part of you which is eternal. You hit the final stage of grieving when you realize that yes, you will love again.

I’ve been through my share of what seem like losses at the time and now understand that those are just part of the various chapters of your life story. Some parts may feel better than others, but each part is essential to the story of your life. Of course, the upcoming chapter is no chance of the universe – and it is your decision on how you choose to handle the various obstacles and opportunities that will arise. I feel a transformation in 2009, and I am excited for a year of positive changes, growth and self love.

I’ve always had new goals and objectives throughout the year. I’ve been a great believer of writing your goals down and being focused on what you want to achieve. I realized that for the last ten years, my goals have always centered around achievement, financial success and career growth. While I’m thankful of where that mindset and vision has taken me, I think I neglected creating goals and vision that focused on me. The inner me that includes self love, patience, inner peace and physical and spiritual health.

Throughout my life I have been distracted with the chase – the next job, position or purchase. The thing is, if you are always running and thinking of the next destination you don’t have a chance to really appreciate where you really are in the present. And when things slow down, you realize you are uncomfortable with the stillness and maybe even that chaos and adrenaline is a preferable state. I’ve dealt with that discomfort by just starting the race again but in 2009, I’ve decided that instead of filling up a void with another distraction, I will work on myself and being content with where I am. My goals are very different than what they were just a year ago. My 2009 goals are focused on practicing yoga, nourishing my body and soul, reading more, expressing through creativity, embracing self love, love towards others and being open to love, growing past impatience and slowing down my mind.

This year is going to be a very significant one, full of change and growth. Thank you all who have been part of my story – whether you are part of my closest circle, a peer, or even just a facebook poke! I wish you all love, peace, patience and compassion.

“I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken, and the one that could always brighten up your day even if she couldn’t brighten her own.”

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” –Maya Angelou

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
– Maya Angelou

“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” – Dr. Seuss

“When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on–series polygamy–until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.” – Tom Robbins

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”

What is crucial is that our principles are not broken. The principles I am referring to are no specific to any culture, religion or faith – rather, they are universal and can be validated by any human being on this planet. In the words of Stephen Convey (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People). “Principles are deep, fundamental truths that have universal application. They apply to individuals, to marriages, to families, to private and public organizations of every kind. When these truths are internalized as habits, they empower people to create a wide variety of practices to deal with different situations.” (35). The principles that Convey is referring to are: integrity, honesty, human dignity, fairness…

Simply put, treating and respecting others in a considerate manner is a principle that is a basis of human conduct. Being a solid person does not mean you are nice and kind to people when you feel like it – nice when you’re in a good mood and selfish and mean when you are in a bad mood. It also means that you treat others with consideration nomatter who it is – a friend, a sibling, or the person you buy groceries from. It’s being consistent with your principles at all times and not only when it’s convenient for you.

Unfortunately, I’ve realised that someone close to me conducts themself in a way that often offends and hurts others. He is nice when he feels playful and in high spirits, but can be mean to the point of being a bully when he’s in a foul mood. While due to my relation I have obligations and responsibilities with this person, respecting the person is a whole other story. Whether you are a family member, a friend or an acquaintance – if you want respect, you have to first be and act respectable.

We all slip, we all make mistakes, we all say things we later on regret saying. You cannot dwell on the past, but if you know your actions/words have affected someone negatively, learn from the incident to ensure you do not fall under the same habit the next time. If you are hurting people because of your ways, make it your focus to fix those habits. Be solid – from the little things like showing up on time, not flaking, appreciating others, being courteous – to not just a chosen few, but to everyone.

so i’m going to share some of my secrets. some of them i’ve never told anyone. some of them were painful. some of them are my quirks. Watever they are…funny, sad or happy…i hope that maybe if there is someone who has gone through an experience like i have, perhaps reading this will make them feel not so alone.

my secrets…

When I was 6 years old I moved to a new school. I was the only asian girl. At recess I’d pretend to play tag as if others were chasing me so people would think that I had friends. The truth is, no one wanted to play with me.

I felt very lonely.

In grade 6 I was part of the popular group in school. We would sometimes “ditch” members of the group – where we would pretend to be their best friend and be especially nice before the planned “ditch” date. And then, on that day, we ignore, exclude and tease the person. One day, the group decided to “ditch” me. I remember these two girls that I thought were my best friends…they took a rock, threw it on the ground, spat on it and kicked it and said to me “amy” pointing to the rock, “that’s you.” I was terrorized at school everyday and too ashamed to let anyone know. I would cry every night. I wanted to die.

I felt so helpless and disempowered.

Boys never liked me. I wanted to be white so I could fit in and be liked just like all my white friends. I felt ugly and displaced.

In grade 7, my teacher, Mr. Cronkhite believed in me so much. He made me responsible for putting together the school yearbook. He favoured me and made me feel so special. I felt so inspired. I felt invincible.

in grade 8 my best guy friend told me he liked me. I felt uncomfortable and stopped seeing him. He went nuts. He spread rumours about me and teased me with the older kids. One night he called me and for hours old me how I ruined him, how we was hooked on drugs because of me and was getting in trouble with the police. he told me he “made me” because i was nothing without him. I believed him. my self esteem was shot to the ground. i contemplated killing myself.

i fear situations where the freedom to pick up and leave is not an option.

i fear being ordinary.

I have an achilles heel – someone who hurt me and where a lot of unknown was left, and i vow to never be weak and forget the lesson. i act cold and detached so i can convince myself i’m always strong and in control.

I take rejection very personally.

I vowed to always be okay on my own so that i never have to need anyone or anything.

I snore. but I don’t admit it.

My biggest fear is dissappointing people I love and respect.

My sisters and best friends make me feel invincible.

I have experienced the feeling of being in complete peace and harmony with someone. it is a moment I own in my heart and a lesson to remind me to never settle for less.

I steer clear of misery zombies and energy vampires.

I admit, that even though i pride myself on being independent and strong, I like the comfort of feeling taken care of.

I pretended to like my aunt’s cake but it really tasted like cardboard. (but everything else you make is good!!)

ok…well, there you go. there’s a part of me…a lot of me…that i’ve revealed to the world.

To secrets unvealed. it feels damn good.

A friend of mine, Matthew wrote the following on wealth. It is beautifully written and very insightful. Those who relish in the spoils of wealth with fancy cars and designer bags may be perceived as rich and wealthy, but often they can be the poorest people of this world.

I’ve moved out recently, which has been a budgeting challenge. But being on my own has made me realise how much wealth I have and how fortunate I am. I have the most amazing mom, who bakes me 2 weeks of muffins to freeze so I can have them for breakfast. I have 2 sisters I can count on who are my first phone call whenever I have news – whether it be about what to wear on a date to how to handle a frustration at work. I have my two best friends who bring me fruit because they are worried I don’t buy groceries to eat. Miss Sunny, who wips up this delux 10 cheese platter at my house gathering. I have the most kind hearted baby cousin, who wont eat all his sushi so he can save it for his mom…even when he’s starving hungry. Friends who love me, support me and believe in me (and feed me =P )…role models and inspirations that teach me, lead me and give me that push to become a better person.

Love…love shared with others and love shared with our passions, work and the world. That sort of wealth has no price tag.

Wealth – by Matthew Good (www.matthewgood.org)

When you are remembered, even if just among a handful of family or friends or acquaintances, let it be for your decency. Know that all of us have faults, and that while we have had it drilled into us that we must endeavor to overcome them, that they are an intrinsic part of who and what we are. To despise such a real and natural part of ourselves only produces prisons of denial, and thus cities, nations, and continents of inmates.

We might be strangers you and I, but at what point does that deter our shared emotional realities from being exchanged? We all feel the same things, and yet the thought of honestly and openly conveying our emotions is seen as personal treason.

I remember it like it was yesterday. She leaned into the mini-van in which the band was waiting to return to the hotel. She grabbed my hand, looked me in the eyes, and thanked me for saving her life.

She was a complete stranger.

I had no idea how to react. I sat there in stunned silence as she quietly cried and smiled at me, my one hand firmly held between her two. It seemed as though hours passed between us, her standing silently on the curb, me awkwardly sitting in the seat nearest the door, my feet swung onto the running board, my bag in my lap.

And then, just as suddenly as it had happened, she dropped my hand, stepped back, security closed the door, and the van sped away.

I never saw that woman again, but on that night I became the wealthiest man in the world. And were I to have never written another note, sang another syllable, penned another story, or known another day, I would no doubt still perish from this earth contented.

Wealth is not measured by the size of houses, the speed of cars, the price of handbags, the trendy eateries and lounges frequented by celebrities, or the purity of the drugs that those who consider themselves fashionable funnel up their noses. That sort of wealth can be attained by simply being born the son or daughter of financially wealthy parents, climbing dirty ladders, or marrying someone.

Our acts determine our true wealth.

When someone says that they love you, and you know that they mean it to their very core, that there is no doubt in any cell in your entire body that they are unconditionally sincere then you are wealthy. There is no question that, for a time, financial wealth can secure the placebo of love, but it cannot create it. It cannot manufacture true love, just as it cannot ensure or secure happiness. To give ourselves to others openly and honestly, and to conduct ourselves with integrity and concern for the feelings of others, even if complete strangers, represents the sum total of our riches.

As I sit here looking out the window, lost in the haze of twilight, memories, and the talons of despair, I see a city filled only with poor people.

And I wonder how that happened.

We live in a culture where we are socialized to compete in a big race where the finish lines promises a house and a car – we want more and we want it now. We want and we take and then we take some more, because maybe when we get that car, that title, that designer bag – then maybe we will finally feel that happiness and sense of completion that we yearn for. Spend your days working so one day you can start living – make work, your blackberry and your cellphone your priority. Then, one day you reach the finish line, but instead of receiving a trophy and feeling triumphant, the only thing you receive is the realization you’ve been running in the wrong race – and that race has no finish line.

“Are you being as human as you possibly can? -Morrie

I believe in making this world a better place, in whichever way you can. You don’t to fly to Africa or feed the homeless – you can make it better by bettering yourself. By being at peace within yourself, you will bring peace to those around you – you will add peace to this world. Make loving others a way of life – Making people a priority, putting others before yourself, being kind and empathetic towards others every day. Everyone is special – look for that special something in those you encounter and appreciate that about them. Express how you feel – don’t wait until they leave the country or when they are on their deathbed to let them know how much you love and appreciate them.

I have entered a new stage in my life and have recently celebrated a new turn in my career. I have always thought of myself as lucky and have told my mother this often. Last night, I told her how happy I was to be at this stage and how I was lucky. But this time, I told her the reason why I was lucky was because I had her as a mother, who raised me and my two sisters. Sure my father was around once in a while, but it was because of the strength and values that was learned from my mother which is one of the fundamental reasons why me and my sisters are happy and successful. I know that my mother has had some regrets and has felt some guilt because she was so busy working while we were young, trying to provide the basic necessities for us. I think that telling her how much I appreciated her made her heart feel calm and proud.

Live every minute of your life and appreciate and love those people who add meaning in your life – there is no later, only now. Let go of the anger and resentment you’ve held in your relationships and friendships with people – it really doesn’t matter in the end and only obstructs your inner peace. Express yourself and don’t be afraid to laugh, cry, dance, hug and trust.

Have you ever been in a moment of darkness or loneliness and the thought of one person made you comforted? That person left a gift with you. Give to others – share your love and goodness – and that gift will be a part of them always.

“You see,” he says to the girl, “You closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you trust them, too – even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling.” – Morrie

Tuesdays with Morrie

If one day you found out you only had a few hours left to live…what would you do? Would you look back and regret?

What goals would you have wish you reached?

Places you would have visited?

Adventures you would have dared?

Love you would have experienced?

In your last moments of life…what experiences would you do anything for – to live just a little longer so you could have lived your life to the fullest.

Those of you who know me, know that I rave about the goal oriented and positive culture of the company I work at, 1-800-GOT-JUNK? The other day, Brian Scudamore, the founder and CEO of the company, walked us through an exercise where we took 20 minutes to write down our goals. He discussed the importance of committing yourself to your goals by writing them down and also sharing that vision, so others can help you achieve them.

A study that was done on the the Harvard Business School graduating class of 1964 proves this theory. Only 5% of the 1964 class had taken the time to write down their goals. 95% of this group had achieved those written goals 20 years later. Of the 95% who did not bother to write down their goals in 1964, only 5% had achieved their expected goals. (Elements of Success – By Leslie Fieger)

“By writing out your goals, they become embedded on your subconscious mind and crystallized in your consciousness… Never lose sight of your goals. Never let the business of the everyday allow you to forget about your life goals. By thinking about them constantly and acting on them daily, you will steadily create the brilliant life you know in your heart you deserve”. – Robin Sharma

So let’s write down our goals…commit ourselves to them…share them and welcome the magic of the laws of attraction. Life can be a whirlwind of deadlines and days when there “just is not enough time”….but we need to remember that how you allocate your time is a choice you make. Let’s not get caught up and forget the things that we find important. Lets take the steps so that we are never that person who learns on their deathbed that they should have spent their life living. A great site where you can share your goals with people around the world and see who else shares the same goals as you do…check out… www.43things.com

Here are some of my goals that I would like to share with you…

1. fall in love
2. perform in a musical
3. record an album
4. learn how to play the guitar
5. travel all over Europe
6. be a motivational speaker
7. move to the East Coast for 2 years
8. write a book…or two
9. volunteer to and help change the life of a high-risk youth
10. buy my mom a house on the west side
11. adopt a child
12. take my mom to her dream vacation spot
13. become friends again with the guy who hurt my heart
14. have a dog named Charlie
15. become a certified yoga instructor in a 5 week Thailand retreat
16. hold an annual charity event that raises over 25K in its second year
17. launch my Event PR & Marketing company by 2011
18. write for a newspaper column or online publication
19. swim with dolphins
20. ride an elephant
21. take care of my dad and help him find happiness and peace
22. buy a loft in 2007
23. finish my DJing lessons and play a gig
24. to leave my “gift” with people
25. be a vegetarian
26. to be removed from the comfort of N.America and spend time in a third world country and find some way to help
27. to inspire young girls to find empowerment in their creations and intelligence, not soley their physical beauty and sexuality
28. learn another language and practice in another country
29. learn how to tango
30. grow a garden
31. to learn how to cook delicious meals for my family
32. to finish one of the many scrapbooks I’ve started
33. to not be jaded or resentful after a heartbreak
34. go sailing
35. go snorkeling
36. watch the Oprah Winfrey show live
37. shave my head – which will be symbolic of a certain stage in my life
38. travel to India
39. see all the 7 great wonders of the world
40. run a marathon
41. fly a kite
42. own my own vintage typewriter and make handmade cards
43. complete a cleanse
44. take vocal training/singing lessons
45. get kissed under the mistletoe
46. send something to PostSecret
47. vote every year
48. perfect my chinese oral skills
49. learn how to read and write chinese
50. create my website
51. write love letters and mail them
52. go on a roadtrip with no predetermined destination
53. buy a house
54. dance in the rain
55. make love on a beach
56. kiss on the ferris wheel
57. learn to surf
58. learn to snowboard
59. meditate regularly
60. read the bible
61. drink a cappuccino in a cafe in Paris
62. go to Australia
63. work for a cause I believe in
64. take a hot air balloon ride
65. be involved in the political arena to help shape social policies in Vancouver
66. ride a camel when visiting the pyramids
67. plant a tree
68. be someone’s mentor
69. shower in a waterfall
70. sing a great song in front of an audience
71. sleep under the stars
72. spend an entire day reading a great novel and drinking green tea
73. learn how to do my own taxes
74. skydive
75. defy gravity – paraglide Baba Dag, above the coast of Eastern Turkey
76. take a year off and travel
77. give birth
78. fly first class
79. smoke a cuban cigar
80. go camping
81. make out at the drive in
82. do the splits
83. be one of the top female entrepreneurs in Canada
84. experience living in New York city
85. be absolutely adored and loved unconditionally by my partner and feel the same way in return
86. watch the sun set on the beach
87. read the Koran
88. be part of making a movie
89. thank my grade 7 teacher in person for believing in me and making such a huge impact on my life
90. go on a romantic vacation
91. build a treehouse
92. roast marshmallows and drink hot chocolate by the fireplace
93. start a woman’s empowerment group
94. to cry in front of my father
95. learn how to pole dance
96. be greeted at the airport with flowers
97. to make a snow angel on a mountain
98. to not shop/support any companies who are not evironmentally and socially responsible
99. to help someone not feel so alone
100. learn martial arts and feel confident that I can kick ass if I ever need to use self defense
101. use my website/column/book to help people share their goals, secrets, fears and successes – and show the community that will cheer and support them through these experiences

Once upon a time, we lived in a perfect, happy world. In this world we dared to be curious, we dared to dream, we would dance like nobody was watching. We laughed, we smiled, we loved, we really believed in ourself. We had faith.

This is the world of a child. Then one day, usually around the age of 3 or 4, something traumatizing happens. We fall off our bike, we are made fun of, we are abandoned or rejected…something happens to make that beautiful and perfect world come crashing down. We go into our survival mode, and our mind says “I will never let myself feel that pain/embarrassment/rejection, etc ever again” and that survival shell becomes the hardwire of our ways for the years to come.

Think about how you are right now, it probably goes back to something that happened to you when you were young and that defense shield and the filters have carried forward to this very day. So before we dream, before we love, before we take a risk, our “filters” come in, and say “dont let what happened to you before happen to you again”. We cannot lean forward because we have a hundred strings of our past holding us back.

When I was in Kindergarten, I was a really popular kid in a predominantly asian school. In grade one, my family moved to the suburbs where I was the only asian girl in the school. I had no friends, and no one cared to get to know me. I remember I would pretend that I was playing tag and run as if someone was chasing me at lunch break so people would think I had friends playing with me. At age 11, i was in the “cool group” at school. One day, the girls in the group decided to ditch me. They made a plan to use me and the next day, they “ditched” me. They would call me names and run away from me and terrorized me at school. I cried everyday and wanted to die. It still brings tears to my eyes as I write this.

Rejection, disempowerment and not being accepted were the insecurities that haunted me. I made a promise to myself that I would never allow make me feel inadequate and powerless. I tried to find my empowerment in all the wrong ways as a teenager, which is another story in itself. I hung out in a really bad scene and mistakened intimidation as power. After a lot of self realization and unfortunate events, I turned my life in a different and positive direction.The feelings of disempowerment I felt as a child has helped fuel my drive and determination. I’ve been able to turn that into something positive.

Rejecting and not being accepted is something that still lingers in me to this day. For instance, subconciously, and well, to be honest, many times conciously, block people out of my life and detach myself so that they cannot have the chance to reject me. The second I feel a sense of rejection or non acceptance, I detach, even if it’s unnatural for me to do so. But doing this stops you from opportunities and will definitely stop you from finding true happiness in life. Being jaded is an easy way out. However, while I know this, it is so hard to “unlearn” and go back to that curious child that once dared to dream, dared to love, dared to fall.

Imagine…

Imagine the job we’d get if even being rejected 5 times, you apply again as if you were not rejected before? Imagine having no regrets because we’d take a chance with risks as if we never fell on our face before? Imagine trusting and loving someone purely as if you were never hurt before?

Imagine the possibilties and opportunities, if we dared the strength to unlearn.

Today is my mom’s birthday. We had a nice dinner at Yuji’s on West 4th and afterwards went to my grandma’s beacause my baby cousin made her a birthday card. It was very sweet.

We had some time alone together and I asked her, “if you went to school, do you think your life would be different”. She replied…”of course, if i went to school, my entire life would have taken another course”.

She went on and told me the story about her past and her lack of choices.

She moved to Brazil from China at age 11. For the next 8 years of her life, she would work 12 hours a day for 7 days a week for her father (my grandfather). She would be mentally abused by her dad and treated like an outcast of the family. When she was 18, her dad wanted her to hurry up and get married so she wouldn’t be a burden on the family (ironic because she worked for free for him for 8 years). He would try and force her to marry and saw anyone who was able to provide as a potential candidate, even 40 year old men with black teeth (no, really, he tried to force her to marry a 40 year old butcher who had rotten black teeth)!

In her group of friends, there was a guy who adored her from afar. My mom told me with a sparkle in her eye how they became good friends and how happy she’d be when he’d pick her up and they would just hang out and talk. Once her dad found out that she liked this young and poor guy, he yelled at her and forbid her to see him again. After threatening her, my mom cried and cried. Then, that guy called the house.Her dad grabbed the phone and yelled at him to never contact his daughter again. She called him back later and all she could do was sob. He understood. After that day they never spoke again
My mom’s life was so miserable at home, she knew the only way she could leave was to get married. Her dad was pressuring her more and more. Then, she met my dad. 3 months later, they got married.

I asked her today, do you ever wonder about that guy that you liked when you were young?

She became very silent. I saw her eyes water. After a long silence, she said “Who know’s what would have happened. It might not have worked anyway”. That’s my mom, always trying to be strong. But the look in her eyes told me what her heart really felt.

My mom grew up without choices. Her life was about sacrifice and living for others. She never had a childhood, she never experienced the fun, the joy, the butterflies of love, the empowerment of education…and all the things that we forget are priviledges. She was born like a seed without proper sunlight to grow, but bloomed anyway to become a strong and beautiful flower. She doesn’t resent or hold anger towards her dad and to this day, treats him with only care and respect. My mom is my hero because despite the way she was treated and the adversity she faced, she still continues to give love.

Our generation is so fortunate. We have the gift of choice. We have it so good that we complain about the mundane and forget that what we have are privledges. We choose to be negative and unhappy when we should feel lucky that we do not have to fight for survival like our parents and grandparents did. We hold resentment and anger towards people we feel wronged us, as if we are a victim and that other people or external factors are the reason why we are unhappy. We think that if we had a better upbringing, a better job, better friends, a good boyfriend, that we would have a better life and be happy and fulfilled.

We are so busy blaming external factors for our misery and searching for external factors to be the key to our fulfillment and happiness that we do not realise that what we are looking for can only be reached from within. No one and nothing – not a boyfriend, not a job, not a new outfit… – nothing external can be the source of your happiness…it must be created from within yourself. Only you, hold the key.

We have the gift of choice and we can create in our minds how we want to live our life and if whether we want that journey to be a fun and positive journey or a dark and negative one.