A partnership is not just about the emotions and feelings of love. A partnership is about commitment, and being responsible to that commitment regardless of what the external variables of the time are. It’s about the commitment to choosing decisions that will serve the relationship even when it would “feel” better to not. Married or not married, when you decide to enter into a partnership with another, commitment means you act with integrity, respect and care –even when your emotions are telling you otherwise.

Because love isn’t enough. Let me clarify, love, in the way most of us define it, isn’t enough. Love isn’t what makes you decide to not act out your desires when someone attractive starts showing you attention (and you haven’t had sex in months). Love is not what makes you apologize and give your partner a hug after an argument (even though inside you know you’re 100% right). Love is not what makes you weather the storm when disaster strikes (which it will). Love is not what makes you decide to treat each other with kindness, respect and empathy during a breakup or divorce (you’d be surprised how quickly love can feel like hate at that time). No, it’s not love. It’s commitment. It’s the responsibility to keeping your commitment. Not just to the other person, but to yourself.

Love, and that giddy feeling in your stomach may be what guides you when you’re feeling great about the apple of your eye. But what steers you when you’re going through an ebb, or a rough patch? Can you depend on love at that point?

Love isn’t rational. It can’t be controlled. If you allow a feeling that is so emotional and malleable dictate your behaviour, you’ll realise quickly that it only pans out when things are up, not when they’re down. Commitment on the other hand, will guide you through both. Commitment is not dependant on the heartstrings, it’s dependant on a conscious choice you make – and that, is something you have complete control over.

I am honoured to be a part of the panel session that will take place after the first screening. Please join myself and notable individuals from Vancouver’s media community as we discuss our thoughts around some of the issues raised in the documentary. Below is a snaphot of the panelists:

Amy Chan (Columnist for Sun Media’s 24 Hours Newspaper and The Huffington Post)
Amy is a popular lifestyle and relationship columnist for the Sun Media’s 24 Hours Newspaper and The Huffington Post. A Simon Fraser University graduate in Communications and Sociology, Amy doesn’t claim to be a relationship expert. She is however, someone who empathizes and understands human behavior and how it’s affected by popular culture. She is gifted in articulating the experiences and struggles of life in a relatable and inspiring way for her readers. She was recently featured as a “Stylish Jetsetter” in FASHION magazine and appeared in a three-page spread in Ming Pao Magazine as a “Successful Chinese Canadian Young Female”.

Pamela Martin (Director of Community Outreach for the Office of the Premier Christy Clark)
Recognized across BC as the anchor of CTV News, Pamela Martin is well-versed in the issues that affect and impact the people and communities across the province. During Martin’s tenure on the anchor desk, CTV News at Six has been repeatedly named the best local newscast in Canada by the Radio and Television News Directors Association of Canada. On January 5, 2011, Martin announced that she had joined politician Christy Clark’s campaign team for the BC Liberal Party Leadership race.

Kirk LaPointe (Ombudsman at CBC, UBC School of Journalism)
Kirk has been one of Canada’s leading newsroom managers for a quarter- century and has held the senior editorial roles at CTV News, the Southam News agency and The Hamilton Spectator. He was the founding Executive Editor of National Post and has been the Ottawa Bureau Chief and General News Editor of The Canadian Press, an advisor to the publisher of the Toronto Star, and a day-one host on CBC Newsworld, among other roles.

Carolyn Jack (National Vice-Chair of Equal Voice)
Carolyn Jack is the National Vice-Chair of Equal Voice, a multipartisan organization dedicated to the still bold idea that more women must be elected to every level of government. For nearly twenty years, she was a journalist working in national and international news. As a journalist, Carolyn played a leadership role at CBC National News and Global National in the coverage of what feels like a zillion federal elections… but is probably only about 6 or so… and has been published in the Globe and Mail, National Post, Canadian Forum and other publications. She now leads communications for a public institution in Vancouver.

Janet Austin (CEO of YWCA Metro Vancouver)
As the CEO of YWCA Metro Vancouver, Janet Austin has overall responsibility for one of BC’s largest and most diversified non-profit organizations, which offers services for 60,000 people annually in more than 30 locations. Janet is a recipient of the Business in Vancouver Influential Woman in Business Award, the Vancouver Board of Trade Community Leadership Award, the Queen’s Jubilee Medal and the Big Sisters Big Heart Award for outstanding contribution by a volunteer. In 2008, she was named to the WXN (Women’s Executive Network) list of Canada’s 100 Most Powerful Women.

For more information on the event, click here.

Fast forward a decade. You have changed your home, your values, your career, your life. But while every aspect of your life was reassessed and updated, your friendships weren’t. Your friends consist of those whom you’ve shared a history with. But are grade school memories and Kodak moments enough?

There is a beauty of having old friends that I will not deny, but history alone is not enough to bring an old friendship into the present , and subsequently, the future. The people you surround yourself with, you become. We are all energy. If you subject yourself to peers who are negative, insecure or destructive, it will affect you. Regardless of your strength as an individual, you are not immune to a constant surrounding of negative energy or bad influence.

Your friendships, just like everything in your life, need updating. They need to be reassessed from time to time to determine if they are still working in your life. Your friends should bring out the best in you. If you are surrounded by people who bring out the worst  in you, then that is a serious red flag that the friendship doesn’t fit in your life. True friends are the ones that have the courage to tell you when you’re losing your way. They care enough to have those difficult conversations that most people will avoid.

If you want to have greatness in your life, surround yourself with great people. If you strive to be a happy, fulfilled, honest, confident, empowered and principled person, surround yourself with people who are the same. Is this selfish and heartless? No, it’s not. Because if you are influenced negatively by someone, it will affect how you are with the people who love you. Once you allow a negative force to permeate your life, you hurt yourself, which ultimately affects everyone that surrounds you. In no way am I saying to ditch the people you love. You can love these people all you want. But, selecting them to be in your immediate peer group is another story.

Choose your company wisely. Be relentless with surrounding yourself with those who bring out the best in you. Your direction in life depends on it. And while you’re at it, have the courage to be a good friend to those who choose you.

We say sorry when we accidentally bump a stranger in a coffee shop.  We say sorry when we’re late. And when we make a royal mistake and end up hurting someone because of our actions, we use that same sorry. But the situations are completely different – yet we conclude with the exact same apology.

When you have wronged another and have caused insult, injury or hurt, sometimes sorry just isn’t enough. If you say “sorry” ask yourself what you’re willing to do to make a wrong, right. Perhaps that action is to change a behavior to avoid the same mistake from occurring again in the future. Perhaps it’s doing something nice to make up for the wrong. Perhaps it’s a heartfelt card or phone call that expresses your sincere care and compassion. Whatever it is, saying sorry and asking for forgiveness is only one step of a true apology.

Being accountable, making change, making an effort to do whatever in your power to make it up to the person – that is the action that backs up the words of “sorry”. It’s in the action where a true apology lies – not the simple uttering of the words.

Struggling to make an apology? Psychology Today blogger Sam Margulies sheds light on the necessary elements of an apology:

1. Acknowledge the Wrongful Act

2. Acknowledge that You Have Hurt his/her Feelings

3. Express Your Remorse

4. State Your Intention Not to Repeat

5. Offer to Make Amends – The particular act of contrition may be negotiated but the important thing is to express your willingness to do something by way of compensation.

6. Seek Forgiveness

It’s easy to say sorry. But actually having follow-through on your apology and the action to back it up is the part that takes effort and real sincerity. You show your character not by the words that come out of your mouth, but with the action of your feet.

So please, don’t tell me you’re sorry. Show me.

And, like moths to a flame, we attracted the opposite sex. We learned that this was an easy way of drawing in potential suitors. However, after one-night-stands, getting treated with disrespect and not getting called back the next day we conclude to ourselves, that guys, are just pigs. So back to step one we  go, and repeat. We get hurt again; our self-esteem suffering more and more.

“All men are dogs” we chant. But maybe, just maybe, there will be one that will see the real you, who will want to invest in you to be their woman. Not for just a night or booty calls, but to be their girlfriend. Someone who they’d be proud of introducing to their family, friends and colleagues. So maybe, it’s just that you haven’t met the right man yet – it’s a numbers game.

The misconception lies here. It’s not that men are pigs (well, some of them, yes, but not all), it’s that your strategy is all wrong. When you exude sexual energy to lure in a man,  all he sees is fun and sex. He automatically (consciously or subconsciously) puts you in the “don’t take serious pile”. You’re not a challenge because getting sex was so easy, and as nice and kind of a person you may be, they can’t see past the good role-in-the-sack that you were. Secondly, you are likely attracting “sport fishers”. These guys don’t want to commit, they don’t want anything more than uncommitted sex. And no, you cannot change them, if it’s not their time, it’s not their time, and they will keep fishing for the type of women who will put out. Even when you start off thinking you just want to have fun, if you ask yourself truthfully, it is quite likely that deep down you actually just want to be loved. You yearn to feel wanted and special. But you’ve never learned another way of attracting men, so you keep introducing the sexual vixen side first and foremost, and the cycle continues.

If you want to have fun and fool around, this strategy will get you just that. Nothing wrong with that. But, if you want to find a relationship based on love, commitment, and want to be taken seriously, then you must change your strategy. Change the strategy and you’ll get different results.  But ask yourself first, do you want to be the marrying kind or the one-night-stand kind?

EAT

L’ami Jean

This meal was a highlight of my trip. Get the 3-course set menu ($42 Euro). The menu changes every few days. Expect creative twists to classic French cuisine (eg. seven-hours braised beef confit with carrot puree).  Order the rice pudding for dessert (it really is the best in the world).  Call ahead for a reservation. If you have no luck, go to the restaurant before the lunch opening to try and snag a table.

Address: 27, rue Malar

Phone: 1 47 05 86 89

Le Comptoir Du Relais

If you go for dinner, you must make reservations in advance and be prepared to have the set menu. However, you can walk in for lunch (12-3PM) and order a la carte. I suggest lining up by 11:30 in order to get a table. The chef is Yves Camdeborde.

Must Try: Pied du couchon (Pig’s feet), sliced pork belly, fois gras and haricot vert salad, soups, charcuterie and beef cheek.

Address: 9, Carrefour de l’Odéon

Le Relais de l’Entrecote

If you are a vegetarian, skip this. This restaurant has no menu and offers only two dishes. You start with a salad with a tasty mustard sauce. The main course is steak and fries topped with the delicious, “secret sauce”. It’s so secret that the sauce is made offsite so the recipe is protected. The restaurant opens at 7:30 and accepts no reservations.  I recommend you go right at the opening time because by 8:30 you will be waiting at least 30 minutes for a table.

Address: 101, boulevard du Montparnasse
Phone: 1 46 33 82 82

Le Violon d’Ingres

If you are looking for a fancier setting, try the Michelin star restaurant, Le Violon d’Ingres. Here you will find a gourmet menu based on traditional southern French cuisine. You absolutely must try the Vanilla Soufflé, served with a warm pitcher of salted butter caramel sauce.

Address: 135 Rue Saint-Dominique

Phone: 1 45 55 15 05

Pierre Herme

He is known as “The King of French Pastry” for good reason. Be prepared to wait in line to get your fix of macarons, cakes and croissants. My favourite is “Croissant Ispahan”,  the Litchi Raspberry croissant with rose almond paste. Not all the Pierre Herme stores have viennoiseries (baked goods), so it’s best to call ahead to find out.

Must Try: Litchi Raspberry Croissant, Tarte Vanille, Tarte Cafe, 2000 Millefeuille, Isaphan, Croissant and Kouign-Aman

Address: 4 rue Cambon

SHOP

A great way to explore Paris is by renting the city bikes. The French brands are cheaper here than in North America (approximately 20% less in France for brands like Louis Vuitton, Christian Louboutin and Chanel). Don’t forget to get your 12% VAT refund at the airport. Check out:

Christian Louboutin‘s first store – 19, rue Jean-Jaques Rousseau

Le Bon Marché – a department store in Paris (there is a tax refund office on site)

Diptyque – founded in 1961, Diptyque is famous for their scented candles and fragrances.

STAY

Hotel Thoumieux is a quaint boutique hotel located in the Left Bank. Good value for your money (the rate was approximately $200 Euro during peak season). Complimentary internet, decent sized room, creative and modern décor, central location.

L’Hotel – This is one of my favourite boutique hotels in Paris for it’s nostalgic charm and glamour.

If you are looking for something more grand and luxurious, other options include Le Meurice, Four Seasons George V and Le Royal Monceau.

We’ve all done it before – played something up in order to make ourselves appear more important than we really are. Why do we do this? Is it because we are insecure? Do we think that by painting a better picture of ourselves people will like us more? Why do we spend so much energy trying to impress others so we can ultimately validate ourselves?

The reason why I’m so baffled when friends do this is because the reason why I’m a friend with the person in the first place has nothing to do with the “impressive” stuff. Instead, my friendship is based on mutual values, chemistry, love and support. So the unnecessary details that jack up his/her image is frustrating, because it feels inauthentic. Ironically, it makes the person’s original insecurity even more obvious.

I think Dr. Seuss hit the nail on the head with the quote:

“Be yourself because the people that mind don’t matter and the people that matter don’t mind.”

– Dr. Seuss

If you want to be liked, be you. Not the public relations you, not the “you” that is constantly selling yourself – but the authentic you. The people who are impressed by the embellished you are people who at the end of the day, really don’t matter. The people who truly care about you on the other hand, your true friends, don’t want to spend their time and energy with a talking self-promoter.

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/rajarshi/

Here are a few lessons I’ve learned (and am still learning) along the way to keep a functioning home and resultantly, a happy relationship.

Money Matters – This uncomfortable conversation is one of the most important to have to discuss who puts in what, who takes care of bills, etc. There is no one solution – you have to find what works for you. The system will also need revisiting and adjusting as careers and financial situations change.

Communication – My friend Sunny recently told me, “You have to learn how to live, love and fight under one roof”. When arguing, your first instinct may be to leave the nest and stay elsewhere, but taking off doesn’t set a very good precedent in establishing a home with someone. Learning how to argue is important, and this may require laying down some house rules.

Chores – Instead of obsessively nagging your partner to do the dishes or make the weekend plans, determine the tasks you have a comparative advantage over. If you’re quick at doing the dishes and actually don’t mind it, perhaps that’s your task and your partner who loves making plans can be in charge of organizing dinner with the in-laws. Don’t take it personally – just get smarter and more efficient with the division of responsibility.

Staying Attractive – Sure, the courting phase is over, but living together is not a ticket to wear pajamas 24-7, talk in a baby voice or to pack on the pounds. If you want to keep the sparks continuing, make an effort in your appearance and hygiene.

Keep Your Individuality – Everyone needs his or her personal time. It may feel natural to do everything with your partner,  but it’s important to still have time with your girlfriends and vice versa. Give each other the opportunity to miss each other.

It is arguable that the people in both group “b” and “c” should fall under the same category, but I’ll leave that to another day. What I find interesting is that the people in group “a” all seem to understand this unspoken rule, and therefore do life and their relationships according to this value system. The flow and exchange is effortless, and happens organically.

In contrast, the people who fall in the latter group do life differently. These people constantly ask for, want and take. Seldom do they think “What value can I provide?” let alone, “How can I help?” Or, if help is offered or a favor bestowed, there is a “tit-for-tat” mentality where they feel owed.

There is a blurring of lines of course. I admit that there have been times where I’ve lent a hand or gone out of my way to do a favor and felt disappointed in the lack of reciprocation. I understand that I was probably doing the favor for the wrong reasons in the first place. In order to avoid this situation and future resentment, I try to steer clear of doing things out of sheer obligation. Also, I often will stop and do a gut check – if I’m feeling anxiety or pressure in order to do something for another, that’s likely a red flag that I need to get in tune with why I’m doing it in the first place. When I don’t or go ahead and do it anyway, I only find myself high on expectations and low on disappointment.

The rules of reciprocity are something that can be learned from culture, upbringing, experience and influence. Or maybe it’s just something you’re born knowing. Regardless, it’s possible that someone has good intentions but just lacks the understanding of this value due to their upbringing and environment.

Here are some questions that can help:

Would You Do the Same?

When you give, or make the effort to add value or help when you can, it seems to magically work out in the end. Perhaps it’s karma or the law of the universe, but somehow, sometime, somewhere, it does come back. Ask yourself the next time you are requesting a favor, asking for help, wanting a free service – would you do the same?

Do You Only Call When You Need Something?

If you haven’t spoken to someone for a long time and the only time you contact them is to ask for something, take a second to think if it’s appropriate. Old friends can definitely call each other up out of the blue when the time/need permits, but I’m referring to the type of relationship where you only make contact when you want something.

Do You Give Back?

When someone does something to help you – make note of it in the memory bank.  I’m not saying that you have to return the favor right away, but be aware of the time and opportunity where you could do something nice back. It’s a win-win situation.

Is it My Profession?

If you are someone in my inner circle, meaning we likely communicate on a somewhat regular basis and you know the major happenings of my life, you are invited to ask me for help in the professional realm. However, if you’re not in my inner circle, (and no, saying “Happy Birthday” on my Facebook wall doesn’t make the cut), then do not ask me to do things that is part of my profession – for free. This is especially true when you are making financial gain from my free labor. Payment does not have to be monetary, but if you are asking someone to provide a service that they do as a professional career, please offer some sort of value exchange in return.

First time in Los Cabos – stayed at two hotels, ME Cabo and Capella Pedregal

Heading to Lover’s Beach

Dinner at One&Only Palmilla was perfection. Picture from Kiwi Collection.

Beautiful candle fixture at La Frida Restaurant

Panko crusted sea bass filet at La Frida

Freshly made guacamole

Fish Tacos at Los Claros

Generous welcome from ME Cabo – the chocolate dipped strawberries are amazing

Private outdoor jacuzzi hot tub on terrace of  suite at ME Cabo

Ocean room at second hotel, Capella Pedregal

Hard shell beef and chicken tacos with melted cheese. Yum.

Put down your phone during meetings and dinners

Yes you are very important. But really, if you don’t respond to that email or ping immediately, will someone die? Will you lose your job or client? Is it that important to respond right away that you’d risk disrespecting the person who is present at that moment with you? Would you open a newspaper in the midst of a dinner conversation and ignore the person choosing to spend their time with you? The answer to both questions is likely no. We have created such habits of instant communication and the instant reaction to communication, that we trade off the importance of focus and presence with real life company. Of course, there are going to be exceptions from time to time, but unless you’re with a robot, it’s rude to be distracted with your phone when you really should be present with the person who’s in the flesh.

Don’t count on social media platforms to make or break plans

You sent your baby shower invite via Facebook events and shocked and disappointment when I don’t show up because I never saw the invite. When you have an invitation to an important event, you cannot assume that all your potential guests are glued to their monitors like you are. Pick up the phone! Also, do not cancel your plans with me via Twitter. Would you ever tweet that you’re running late for a job interview and expect that you’ll actually get hired? Again, pick up the phone. Or, if you must rely on the electronic transfer of information, make sure you get a reply before you assume the person received the message regarding the change of plans.

Relationships are based on an exchange of value

Regardless of the type – romantic, platonic, or professional – this holds true in any form of relationship. For a relationship to flow, there has to be some mutual exchange of value where a balance is reached at some point in time. In other words, “gimme gimme gimme” wears thin fast; especially in today’s world of relentless self promotion, where everyone and their dog have their own personal brand, and reaching out to a large quantity of people is easier than ever before. As my friend Devon Brooks, founder of Blo Dry Bar, put it best, “What are the ingredients you bring to the table? How do you make people feel?” People dislike feeling they are taken from – so stop thinking about what you can get, and think about what you can give. And in some magical way, attribute it to karma or some other crazy law of the universe, you really will experience that what you give comes back to you in some shape or form.

The old adage may sound cheesy, but it’s entirely true, “Treat people the way you’d like to be treated”. Don’t let distraction of Twitter and checking in on FourSquare allow you to disrespect the company you keep. The Twitterverse will survive not knowing where you ate for lunch today. Invest in the relationships that are right in front of you, ones that are built through time, trust and effort, and not banished with the simple “Unfriend” or “Unfollow” button.

Like walking through a Modern Bride magazine, this event showcases the products and services a bride-to-be will need to plan for. Exhibitors range from wedding photographers to makeup artists, and an haute couture fashion show will you the most stunning wedding dresses from classic to modern. Dresses by Oscar de La Renta being modeled this year.  No, I’m not a bride-to-be, but hey, a girl can dream right? Tickets, $45. Event held at the Four Seasons Hotel.

cremedelacreme.ca

Stanley Park Halloween Ghost Train – Oct. 8 –Oct. 31

Take a ride on the ghost train for some Halloween fun. Perfect to bring kids as they also offer face painting, crafts, and a Haunted Children’s Farmyard. Cost: 10 for adults.

A few years ago, I entered my first adult relationship. It took me a year to get to the point of allowing the person fully in to my life. And when I reached the point of saying the words “I love you” – it was my verbal commitment. They were words that came with promise and my usual pattern of quitting when the going got tough would not be part of my thought process. Through the thick and thin of it, I would always try to work it out. As some who have followed my blogs previously will know, that relationship came to an immediate end one day, and I felt that the person I invested my heart and energy in to abandoned and quit on me. It was extremely difficult for me to handle as I felt that the one time I changed my pattern and allowed myself to be vulnerable; I got hurt and punished for taking the harder road.

It was a time of my life where I felt so out of control as there was nothing I could do to make the painful feelings go away. I felt emotionally crippled, and told myself that I would avoid any future possibilities of me ending up in the same scenario again.

I dated and met different people, and each dating experience was a failure. Perhaps it was that I just never came across the right fit, but more likely it was because of my relentless effort to cut things off with anyone who showed a sign of potentially causing me pain or hurt. Consequently, things would never pass the dating phase because I’d cut things off usually before it could go any further than that.

In recent months, I have met someone and while it’s taken me some time, I’m comfortable applying the label of being “in a relationship”. The title to me comes with commitment and a decision of entering a partnership with someone with a certain mentality. It means that instead of “tossing it out” when a hiccup or obstacle appears, to approach with the attitude of working it out and moving forward. It’s a complete mentality shift for me. Getting to this point has taken me time, reflection and consciously quieting my brain and shutting off the stories that play in my head that are rooted in fear.

And while I’m in a healthy and positive relationship, to tell you the truth, the stories of my past, my insecurities of being quit on or being disposable, or my partner one day getting bored of me – those insecurities still exist, although quieter some days than others. To be honest, I’m so scared of being vulnerable again and having faith in someone who holds my heart is actually something I have to work hard at. And so far, each time a hiccup has occurred, my ego wants to first react but then I make a conscious decision to go against it and do what will work for the relationship. As my friend Jen positioned it eloquently, “think of what is a deal maker versus a deal breaker”.

Relationships, whether romantic or platonic are works in progress. The closest ones will never be a completely smooth ride as these relationships are part of your world to help you evolve and grow. Some relationships won’t make it, but some are worth putting aside the ego, the fears, insecurities and pride and working it through. The challenges are an opportunity for growth. And we have the power to choose whether we take the road of growth or the road of defeat.

**Picture found on weheartit.com

A common complaint from my female friends is that a man puts his best foot forward during the chase and courtship.  In the beginning, they have all the time and attention in the world for you, they may wine and dine you, pay compliments and their words are nothing but sweet and complimentary.

But after time, when the relationship is solidified, and the man has “conquered”, something changes. Perhaps the man gets more comfortable and feels that there is no longer a need to keep up with the chivalry and extra effort, perhaps it’s just a natural progression of the different stages of love…

Of course, often the woman changes too. Whereas the first few months were full of lace and lingerie, easy going hangouts and late nights, fast forward a year and there then floods an influx of demands, routine, and sweatpants. Case of bait and switch?!

It seems as if sometimes, when you reach the stage where you’re comfortable in the relationship, there is a sense that “cruise control” is good enough. There is an idea that the relationship will maintain organically and subconsciously, and the amount of effort and energy once required to get the relationship started tapers off. This may work for some couples, however, what makes the difference from being just a “good” relationship and a “great” one, requires more than maintenance and reacting to issues. Instead, it’s being proactive and consciously making a daily effort to invest in the relationship. And in this day in age where your “I have no time” has become your mantra and you have more face time with your blackberry than human interaction, the choice to not let laziness or the excuse of the day take hold of your daily commitment is just that – a choice and a priority.

My friend told me, “relationships are like gardens.” – BV. They need to be trimmed, groomed, and occasionally, you see a plant or a fountain that just doesn’t fit anymore, and you move it, remove it or even replace it. The point is, the garden just grows wild and perhaps even with full of weeds if you don’t put the attention, love and care that is needed to keep it beautiful.

I couldn’t’ agree more. There are a few things I think are simple yet often overlooked when you hit the “comfort” zone of a relationship. Here’s some traditions I think make for great relationships and help harvest a beautiful garden.

Quality time – Make the effort and choice to provide undivided attention when together. While this may not be possible all the time, being distracted and non-present should be exceptions, not common occurrence.

Both people must be on the same page when committing to growing and investing in the relationship. If both people, everyday, think about how they can build the relationship and make the other person happy, the relationship will balance and flow.

Be polite and courteous. Never be derogatory or condescending even when joking around.

Give more than you take. Think of the other person before yourself. Putting yourself in the other person’s shoes is the seed to compassion and empathy.

Don’t go to sleep upset.

Treat each other with respect, love and care.

Say what you mean. Do what you say. The minute you break a promise, even a small one, you lose trust. If you really want something, you’ll find a way. Excuses for not delivering mean you just didn’t want it badly enough.

Greet each other in a loving and excited way. I learned this from Tony Robbins. He made the comparison to how the excitement of when a dog greets you and how that increases happiness. I see how that really can set the tone. Imagine every time you walk through the door your partner greets you with the biggest hug and smile? What a great feeling.

And of course, communicate. Even the strongest love won’t prevail if there isn’t a healthy exchange of communication that is based in love and honesty, not pride and ego.

You are a jetsetter with places to go and people to meet. So, look the part. And just like your drink of choice, your luxury travel accessories can say a lot about you (well, at least the type of traveler you are). Here are three luggage options perfectly suited for the fashionista, the business traveler and the leisurely lady.

Fashionista: Polka dots are the latest leopard print, stripes are the new paisley, cobalt is the new black. With the trends changing faster than you can say the words “recessionista”, I’d suggest going with a brand and print that doesn’t have an expiry date, such as the classic Louis Vuitton Keepall bag. Just like fine wine, the signature Louis Vuitton leather only gets better with age.

WANT Olympic DeGaulle Bags

The Modern Business Traveler: The must-have travel accessory for the modern traveler is by WANT Les Essentiels de la Vie. The “new kid on the block”, this brand originates from Montreal and was launched in 2006. Using beautiful Norwegian leather and a clean, understated, design, these travel bags range from the $500 – $1700 range and can be found at leading luxury department stores such as Holt Renfrew, Barneys, Lane Crawford and Harvey Nichols. The various pockets and functionality of the bag makes it perfect for the business traveler. The latest from the brand, the limited edition WANT Olympic DeGaulle Bags comes with five interchangeable handles in yellow, blue, green, red and black, reflecting the colours of the Olympic rings, and gold hardware emulating the prized medals. Just another reason that makes WANT the “it bag” of 2010.

WANT Carry-on Bag

The Leisurely Lady: A week in the Hamptons would not be complete without the elegant and classic set by Globe-Trotter. Since 1987, the company’s philosophy is to never compromise the integrity of craftsmanship. Their designs are sleek and uniquely handmade, with each piece constructed from Vulcan Fibre – a material as light as aluminum yet as hard wearing as the finest leather. Definitely ideal for multiple outfit packing while ensuring your favorite Manolos are safely protected!

www.KiwiCollection.com

And then when you’re in a relationship, there are often expectations and and an uncomfortable sense of pressure around the occasion. Well, I’ve decided this year, that Valentine’s day really should be a day like all others – a day of love, appreciation and affection. You don’t need to be in a romantic relationship to celebrate your friends, your family and even strangers – who are all sources of love that surround you.

To be happy on this commercialized holiday, I find there are a few key ingredients for a fool proof happy February 14th.

1. Have low expectations

2. Tell at least 5 people in your life that you love them

3. Just be….with love. Be it, act it, think it, embrace it and be open to it

Happy love day everyone. May your year be filled with affection, quality time, appreciation and love.

Disclaimer:

If you are an already established douchebag, sensitive to sarcastic and un-PC language or just plain angry, I recommend you stop reading. If you continue to read, but proceed to get mad anyway, please skip to the BONUS point.

1.
You ride your obnoxiously loud motorcycle up and down the streets of Yaletown. FYI: the higher the decibels of your big bad engine revving do not increase your manliness or package size. You’re a douchebag.

2.
You find it a fine accomplishment that you get completely obliterated 4 times a week and feel the need to constantly brag on every social medium to announce the hardcore partyer that you are. Bravo.

3.
Bedazzled anything. Enough said.

4.
You use your drug dealing income to front a tanning salon for your blond asian girlfriend.

5.
You are a dad over 55 and bring your sons (all under the age of 23) to Vegas, point at the silicone busting naked girls and pant, “GO GET YERSELF ONE OF THOSE BOYZZZ”

6.
While in that same Vegas pool, you scream at my best friend “Show me YER TITS! C’MON – It’s the 4th of July!”

7.
You walk with that mighty chest puffed out with your gangsta pirate swagger while your deep cut beater tank reveals your Celtic / tribal / dragon tattoos

8.
You use the following phrases “Bitchezzz”, “get WASTED” and “let’s DOOO dis!” in one complete sentence.

9.
You’re merely over the teenage acne phase yet shout cat calls out at me while I’m walking with my mom.

10.
You sport any of the following: LV man purse, Gucci Sling Bag, Christian Audigier, Ed Hardy, True Religion Jeans or belts with a HUGE IceBerg buckle. And, if you sport all of them simultaneously, you win first prize!

11.
You hock your spit on the sidewalk, allow doors to slam on the person walking behind you and yell at service staff – that makes you a Douchebag plus asshole in one.

12.
Uber gay lip pout and gang sign hand signal in all of your pics (oh you know the “Wessssiiddde” symbol I’m talking about) – that’s in the manual right?

BONUS: Closet douchebag alert – You take out your insecurity based frustrations by reading my articles and sending me insulting, grammatically incorrect messages signed anonymous. My advice is you start at number one on the list again, and REPEAT.

Signed,

Amy Shameless

Whether it is what our friends are doing, or what the current hype in media is, we are plugged in. The bottom line is more than ever, we are connected. Literally & figuratively. Whether you like it or not, you are tied into an engine that on a daily basis passes around millions of packets of data. Chances are you would rather wait for your “news” (entertainment, political, social, humour, or random etc) come to you than go out and find it. This alongside the fact that it takes a millisecond is probably why most traditional news outlets are going out of business. Social media generates news in and amongst itself and is setting new boundaries as it goes along.

How is this changing communication? What am I being exposed to and is it necessary? Because ultimately, every “tweet,” every “status update, link, photo/video posting” is effort, and effort is energy. So even if it doesn’t seem to occupy much of your headspace, you are spending x amount of your day expending energy, and you have to ask yourself, what value is this adding to my life, or others? Are people taking responsibility for the messages they are putting out and passing on? Before jumping on an easy bandwagon do people ask themselves: what value does this have?

Be selective on what you decide should be shared, and what should be viral. Before pushing out communication realise that you are giving power to the message, however significant or insignificant as it may be. We as a social media community collective can do serious damage to corporations, organizations, brands, which are ultimately made up of people. We are also fuelling advertising to companies who strategically create something with all the key elements to allow for a “viral recipe”: 1 part shocking element, 1 part intrigue, and 1 part human connection. Mix with video or website (s) and let the linking begin. There appears to be a disconnect between users and ownership of the individuals message (even if it is passes someone else’s along). Quickly many businesses are realising that they are losing control of their brand as it gets disseminated by the unique experiences of the masses.

This power can also be used for good. If you see, do, hear of, are exposed to something inherently good (a contribution to a positive collective bigger than yourself) there is a quick firing, easy access niche available at your finger tips. Utilize this. Build on it. Pass along messages of worth. Add value to the lives of others, and be responsible with what you decide needs to be “passed on/forwarded/digged/linked/bitlied, etc.”

This intricate new age game of telephone will indefinitely change the way we receive and give information in our communication. It is changing as I type this. We can give kudos to business practices, organizations, and people that deserve it; we can spread awareness on the same platform used by conglomerates. You as a user have equal access and power in your relationship to the message you put out. Be aware of this and use social media towards social good. Or at the very least, understand your relationship with your individual distribution of content.

The space is in the heart of trendy Yaletown in Vancouver, B.C., with an open space concept and tasteful vintage furniture throughout. A quaint and welcoming place, Raw Canvas has the comfort of a parisian grandmother’s living room but with a modern and eclectic vibe.

Canvases start at $40 each. Makes for a great date night or socializing spot with friends.