How many times a day do you judge someone? I know in my life I judge and make snap decisions and or assumptions about people in various interactions all the time. Some judgments may be as simple as recognizing that the person wearing that Starbucks apron is likely a barista – or perhaps that better defined as recognition. The judgments I’m talking about are the ones that go a little deeper and at times, not deep enough. The assumptions we make about people, the instant reaction or idea we get about someone by piecing together fragments of the surface that is presented to the eye. The clothes, the shoes, the car, the attitude – within fractions of a second we can decide who that person is and stick an automatic label on them.

It’s easy to judge; perhaps it’s part intuition, but there are times when we make a judgment or an assumption that is partially blinded. We don’t see the layers, the reasons, the facts and are quick to dismiss, roll our eyes or get angry at the parts we do see and the story we made up of those parts. We create a story without recognizing the real story behind that person’s behavior or choices.

I too, am judged by others and sometimes it serves me and sometimes it doesn’t. Professionally, I have experienced being judged as “young” which can hold negative connotations especially in an environment where “seasoned’ and “tenured” are highly regarded. I have been judged as a female and yes, have experienced being seen first as a “young little Asian girl” before being seen for my intellect or marketing knowledge. I have experienced being seen as a sex object before respected as a professional despite being completely conscious of not exerting that type of energy.

I have been judged as sweet, bitchy, arrogant , successful, lucky, analytical, insecure, confident, a party girl, an attention seeker, unrealistic… And the thing is, I don’t deny any of these labels as I’ve been all these things and more depending on the day, the moment or situation. We all have so many different facets to us – some choose to not show more than one or two, some aren’t afraid to show all their colors, and some take a long time and a lot of trust to open up – but each person has these layers, these facets and the stories that are behind them.

To feel compassion is not easy nor automatic especially in times when you are tested and feeling something negative. Personally, it’s something I’m working on – to look behind the word and actions that may rub me the wrong way, and instead of feeling angry about it, be compassionate that there is a reason, a story behind why someone is saying or doing those things that you may find hurtful. I invite you to join me in an exercise to judge less – the next time you are about to get angry or irritated by someone, whether it be the cab driver or someone close to you – take a moment to think about the possible story they have that may have made them that way or caused them to come off a certain way. And perhaps that anger or negative emotion will transform into compassion.