I will be celebrating my birthday Saturday, Feb. 20 with Jet Set Crew and Canthrill at the Victory Party at Canvas Lounge.

DJ Erick Decks (Hamburg/Germany), DJ Skai (Cocoonclub Frankfurt), Bobby James(Live Drummer), Christina (Singer), Tom (Live Sax), Aerial Acrobat, MC Charles Zuckerman

Come join!

Click here for event info http://www.jetsetcrew.com/index.php?page=shop.product_details&product_id=82&vmcchk=1&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=12

And then when you’re in a relationship, there are often expectations and and an uncomfortable sense of pressure around the occasion. Well, I’ve decided this year, that Valentine’s day really should be a day like all others – a day of love, appreciation and affection. You don’t need to be in a romantic relationship to celebrate your friends, your family and even strangers – who are all sources of love that surround you.

To be happy on this commercialized holiday, I find there are a few key ingredients for a fool proof happy February 14th.

1. Have low expectations

2. Tell at least 5 people in your life that you love them

3. Just be….with love. Be it, act it, think it, embrace it and be open to it

Happy love day everyone. May your year be filled with affection, quality time, appreciation and love.

The challenge with many of the ramen shops in Vancouver are the long line ups. At Benkei, perhaps due to a larger space or the fact that it is still fairly new, I was able to get a table within 5 minutes. That’s record breaking ramen time.

Go hungry and don’t forget to get your ramen stamp card filled!

The latest addition to the Yaletown neighborhood is Bombay Brow Bar – a modern, charming and hip brow boutique. For $23, you are treated to perfectly sculpted brows, a calming forehead indian massage, and complimentary make up retouching – all while sipping on a cup of chai, of course.

Boys don’t feel neglected, there’s brow lovin’ for you too! Unibrow days are long gone with Bombay’s $19 brow service for men.

A well groomed brow shapes and frames your face. Get brow beautified.

Bombay Brow Bar – 1056 Mainland Street in Yaletown (across from Glowbal Restaurant)

www.bombaybrowbar.com

You allow people to treat you the way they do. Your energy, confidence and attitude is the currency that others will transact with. I know many women, who have settled for less, and simply “accepted” cards dealt because deep inside, they don’t believe they deserve more. I’m sure you know of someone, who seems to have it all together in their life, but when it come to relationships, they just can’t seem to shake the habit of dating douchebags and douchettes.

In my life, I’ve created my destiny within my career, friendships and community. With friends, I’ve really embraced the fact that friends are all unique pieces of a pie. Some will be lifetime friends that are next to family, some are social friends, some acquaintances. I’ve learned to appreciate the various types and unique forms of value each friend brings, and as well as a system of how much and what kind of energy I invest to whom. I am blessed with the best friends ever, but that inner circle is sacred and thoughtfully selective.

However, in my relationships with men, I’ve witnessed myself apply a different system – if you can even call it a system at that. I’ve tolerated men who don’t appreciate me, who don’t value my heart, who take and take, who don’t call back, who have disrespected me – I’ve allowed men to not treat me what I’m worth. This is all a matter of self-esteem and my sense of self worth in the realm of being a woman in a romantic relationship. I’ve made excuses, justified, and eagerly re-entered the game of push and pull with men who clearly don’t really value me much at all. And you know what, it sucks and feels pretty crappy at the end – chipping away the low self-esteem that got me there in the first place even more.

It took me 28 years of being hungry for love, even desperate for it at times, heart aches, heart tramples, picking up that phone when every cell in your body knows it’s the unhealthy thing to do, obsessing, infactuating, idealizing – you name it, for me to finally wake up, and realize, that my most important relationship, is the one with myself.

I’ve learned to embrace self love. And while I’ll always be a perpetual student in this journey, I’ve made the decision to apply my successful method in dealing with friendships and business to how I do my relationships. I’ve stopped apologizing for who I am and have learned that I am “perfect” the way I am, right now, right here. I will constantly be growing, evolving and working on bad habits, but those flaws, those imperfections are part of the beauty that makes me, me. I can now easily recognize men who are drawn to me only for the best of me, and as Marilyn Munroe best put it, “…If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

If I could talk to my younger self – that girl desperate for love and therefore often blinded by ideas, fabrications and untruths in order to try and capture it, I’d tell her:

“Amy, love will come to you, when you learn to love yourself, first and foremost”.

I can’t go back in time to correct my mistakes, but I can today share what I’ve learned with younger women, some who may have a misconstrued idea that giving their body away carelessly can equal love. In the words of my wise friend SK – “Be the gatekeeper”. Your heart is a precious gift. Your body is a temple. Be selective. Respect it and be respected. Love yourself and be loved. It you don’t respect and love yourself first, building a healthy relationship with another is like building a house with no foundation – eventually the cracks and lack of a strong base will eventually cause it to crumble.

Know your value and don’t accept being treated in a way less than you deserve. Now, I don’t mean to start going out there with unrealistic expectations, demands and a sense of entitlement. I am saying that you deserve to be treated the way you treat others, and vice versa. The minute you negotiate your self worth and accept less, you say to the universe that you don’t deserve any better, and the vicious cycle/pattern begins. Change for yourself and of course, friends and partners are great mirror reflections that help you grow. But don’t change out of the wrong reasons to appease someone or in hopes that they will like you more – if they judge you for who you are now – they aren’t your fit. I’ll end off with a quote that is an inspiring reminder:

“But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you, you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” – Sex in the City

Named one of North America’s Top Ten Chocolatiers by Dessert Professional Magazine, all Thomas Haas creations are baked fresh daily on premises. The perfect spot for a Sunday hot chocolate and truffle session…

I found these words very interesting and true – when we do something – what is the real intention behind it? When you give to someone – whether that be a gift, your energy or your words – is it from a place of sincerity, of no expectations… of love? Or, when you dig deeper, is it actually because you want to be liked or accepted, or expect something in return?

First, let’s talk about the act of giving. I consider myself an extremely generous and giving person and I admit, that at various times in my life, I have given (with the delusion that the act was coming from a pure place), when really, it was calculated or with condition. In other words, the act was fear based. And at the end, I would feel “taken” from, even victimized, if the energy/favour wasn’t reciprocated in return.

I’ve learned that there is a lot of joy and fulfillment that comes from the form of giving that comes from a place of love and sincerity. Meaning, whether that be the initiation of communication, a gift or an act of service – you hold no expectation of what follows afterwards. You don’t feel fulfilled from what they give back or how they react – you feel fulfilled because you know you helped or made someone feel a little more at ease, cared for or loved in some way. That, which is an act that is love based never comes with the feeling of being “jipped” afterwards nor result in pain.

In no way am I saying that one should keep giving to energy vampires, constant takers or those who encompass a conflicting value set in regards to generosity and sharing. Nor am I saying that you should not be selective with who you share your energy with. I believe that those who cannot give love are unable to truly receive it. It is like giving to a bottomless pit or an insatiable appetite that is always hungry for more. I believe in being kind to others, perfect strangers included, but when it involves investing a substantial part of your heart, soul and energy, know that when you are depleted, you lack the resources needed for your own self nourishment. If you do give a part of you –whatever form that may take – and you feel taken advantage of, victimized or “ripped off” – ask yourself truthfully what place that act really came from.

Next, I’d like to talk about control – which is a major ingredient in many acts and decisions we choose to make. I think often, control is mistakenly equated to empowerment. I am not referring to the kind of control in terms of self discipline, leadership, etc. I’m talking about the dark, ugly kind of control. The kind that is rooted in insecurity, which again, is based in fear. And out of that Pandora’s Box, is where jealousy and the “need” to exert power over another is born. You see this in many relationships – where lack of trust, faith and security creates a power struggle, an off-balance and a blockage of flow.

We all have insecurities, it’s a part of being human, but we can either let those insecurities rule us or not. The more you try to mask your insecurity by exerting a contrived sense of control, the more insecurity and fear based your actions become. Next time before you make a conscious decision that involves another being, ask yourself truthfully, if it is fear based or love based. Call it karma, call it the unspoken laws of the universe, but at some point, in some shape or form, love will breed love, and negativity and breed negativity.

Disclaimer:

If you are an already established douchebag, sensitive to sarcastic and un-PC language or just plain angry, I recommend you stop reading. If you continue to read, but proceed to get mad anyway, please skip to the BONUS point.

1.
You ride your obnoxiously loud motorcycle up and down the streets of Yaletown. FYI: the higher the decibels of your big bad engine revving do not increase your manliness or package size. You’re a douchebag.

2.
You find it a fine accomplishment that you get completely obliterated 4 times a week and feel the need to constantly brag on every social medium to announce the hardcore partyer that you are. Bravo.

3.
Bedazzled anything. Enough said.

4.
You use your drug dealing income to front a tanning salon for your blond asian girlfriend.

5.
You are a dad over 55 and bring your sons (all under the age of 23) to Vegas, point at the silicone busting naked girls and pant, “GO GET YERSELF ONE OF THOSE BOYZZZ”

6.
While in that same Vegas pool, you scream at my best friend “Show me YER TITS! C’MON – It’s the 4th of July!”

7.
You walk with that mighty chest puffed out with your gangsta pirate swagger while your deep cut beater tank reveals your Celtic / tribal / dragon tattoos

8.
You use the following phrases “Bitchezzz”, “get WASTED” and “let’s DOOO dis!” in one complete sentence.

9.
You’re merely over the teenage acne phase yet shout cat calls out at me while I’m walking with my mom.

10.
You sport any of the following: LV man purse, Gucci Sling Bag, Christian Audigier, Ed Hardy, True Religion Jeans or belts with a HUGE IceBerg buckle. And, if you sport all of them simultaneously, you win first prize!

11.
You hock your spit on the sidewalk, allow doors to slam on the person walking behind you and yell at service staff – that makes you a Douchebag plus asshole in one.

12.
Uber gay lip pout and gang sign hand signal in all of your pics (oh you know the “Wessssiiddde” symbol I’m talking about) – that’s in the manual right?

BONUS: Closet douchebag alert – You take out your insecurity based frustrations by reading my articles and sending me insulting, grammatically incorrect messages signed anonymous. My advice is you start at number one on the list again, and REPEAT.

Signed,

Amy Shameless

“I don’t love you anymore.”

“I no longer want to spend the rest of my life… with you.”

I can still remember the blur, the feeling, the crushing physical pain that shocked through my heart… the numbness. Within a matter of five words, my entire world, the reality that I based my life around – was shattered.

Just…like…that.

I thought I would eventually just run out of tears – I mean, was it even possible for a girl to cry so much, and still have more tears left to shed? In all honesty, I didn’t see it coming. Quitting, not working things out – those were not even options that crossed my mind even in the toughest times. The ironic thing is, it ended when I thought things were going so well. Perhaps I was in denial; perhaps my commitment to fight for something I believed in, and my devotion to honor loyalty and commitment outweighed my rationale.

I felt like I had lost my best friend, I doubted myself and questioned if “I was good enough”. I wondered what was so wrong with me – that someone who had once envisioned an entire lifetime together, could just change their mind in what seemed like an impulsive instant.

I was broken for a long while, even if I didn’t show it to the world, and nothing could fix me.  One night, I found out he had moved on – and offered that same world that was once painted for me…to another person. If I had thought before that I couldn’t be broken anymore, I found out that night I was wrong. Shattered in a million pieces again – there I was, on the floor of my bathroom, in my beautiful vintage dress, crying and crying and crying some more…I felt so alone.

But eventually, piece by piece, I started to come together again. Time was my glue, along with amazing friends, self reflection and planting seeds of joy that were not dependant on external variables. Today, marks a year later, and I’m happy and proud to say, that those seeds have really started to sow.

A year later, I have deepened my friendships with existing friends, cultivated relationships with new friends, opened up to meeting different people, and have built a community that is based on value exchange, growth and support. I sold my condo – a property I had purchased for all the wrong reasons and have moved in to a loft that finally feels like home. In my career, I held out moving to another company until the absolute right fit came along, and that time has come. I’ve accepted an amazing opportunity at my dream job.

And in my heart, I feel content. Before, I was always either looking for someone, with someone or missing someone.  For the first time in my life, I am happy being just as I am. And while things are really on the right track, I feel that even if I lost the external factors – I’d still get up and adapt…my joy is my own.

A year later, I can look back and see clearly how the longevity of that relationship didn’t happen for a reason. I have learned that no matter how much you love someone, you cannot lose yourself and change the person you once were. Despite the many laughs and beautiful moments we shared, at the very truth of it, it didn’t fit. And I knew that deep down – whether I wanted to admit it or not. So did he.  He just chose to face the truth.

If you’re reading this, and going through a similar experience, I hope that this piece gives you some hope and maybe some relief – that yes, it sucks right now as you’re going through it, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. And as you slowly reach it, things just start to make sense more and more. You grow so much, and when you look back, all you have are your lessons learned, the clarity to make better choices and the knowing that you handled yourself with grace, with class and without regret.

We are all familiar with the old adage, “Everything happens for a reason”. But the opposite is also true. “Everything doesn’t happen for a reason”. When something doesn’t work out according to plan, it’s natural for us to feel upset, slighted, or unfairly punished by the universe, but when you eventually get through it and look back, in retrospect you realize how one door didn’t open because you were meant to walk through another.

A new time has arrived where men and women alike guard material and theoretical possessions with military-esque precision yet allow for their hearts to be disposable. This time seldom sits down for a hot, slowly chewed, homemade meal, or stops to smell the roses… hell -  it hardly stops at all. This time that we are living in is so over exposed, so over excited, that it needs medication to slow down the senses. The simplicity of love has been muffled by the disorientation of priorities. Well I am here to tell you, everything you will ever need is inside you, and there is nothing less disconcerting than someone who is afraid to give with their whole heart. Whether it is the love of a moment, or love of another person, unexpressed gratitude for the purity of these shooting stars of happiness is a moment lost never to be found again. To the people of the “self deserving” generation, who assume they are just naturally entitled to whomever, whenever, at whatever suits their schedules and ego’s, a reminder that this world does not revolve around you. It never has. It never will. Pure love does not happen to just anyone, any day. It is earned.

Do not think twice about opening your life. First truly to yourself, then to another. Understand that success is not measured in figures, networks, contacts, or image: but in the arms of the person that has exclusively chosen to call you their own, one that understands that every great man in history has had a great woman by his side. A strong woman, who weaves dreams, giggles in solitude, is a child at heart and pure in soul. She cries and that doesn’t show weakness, she wishes and that doesn’t show naivety, she pushes for more because she should, not because she’s ungrateful. Love that woman. Love that man. Allow these people on the conquest for something bigger to rise to the top and be together. Because there is too much and many that do not attempt for this level of excellence in their heart of hearts. To each their own! But not for one moment should those that do feel they are asking for too much. Ladies with little girls in their hearts, there is a man that will pick you wild flowers, hold you with all the strength in the world, and look at you every single day like you are the most perfect entity that skipped on the floor of this earth. Men, there is a lady that will always say thank you, that will be gentle and kind, strong and civil, intelligent and true, and never take you for granted.

Negotiate less, strive for more. Find a love that even time will lay down and be still for.

Azita Ardakani {Hopeful Romantic}