I am going through a breakup and the past week has been an emotional rollercoaster. Some days are better than others and while overall I’ve had more good and positive than bad, today I’m feeling pretty blue. I thought I understood love – its definition, how to give it, how to receive it… but now, I’m realizing that so much of what I thought I knew isn’t quite what I thought. Before, I thought love was black and white – and that building a life with someone meant you needed to be “in love” all the time. I have realized that there are many forms of love –caring love, passionate love, “in” love. In a relationship, a couple will experience various different forms at different times. But what matters is, at the end, the root of the different forms is the same – they are all forms of love.

I have learned that you can have many loves, many soulmates, many potential life partners in your lifetime. But building a life with someone is a matter of making the decision to accept the ebbs and flows and not jump ship when the relationship is in a low. To commit to someone for life means that despite the times when you may feel like one form of love isn’t as strong or present as the other, you have faith in the relationship and the root of that relationship and persevere.

My partner – someone I envisioned as the one I’d build my life with has recently told me that I was no longer the person he wanted be with in the long run. When he said the words “I’m not in love with you anymore” I felt as my heart and soul had been ripped out of my body. My ego throbbed with rejection, defensiveness, self blame and anger. My mind raced in fear and played a vision of me being alone and miserable like a cinema reel on loop. The little girl inside me raced to find what protective mechanisms would stop a pain like this from ever hurting me again.

After two days of that, the day cleared and with my chin up, I decided to be strong. Redefining what “strength” really is – I learned that real strength is allowing yourself to feel the emotions, to embrace the vulnerability and love yourself no matter what emotions seem to overtake the stage. Instead of turning into my typical pattern of being cold, detached and blocking out the hurt – I decided to see the beauty in pain, and cherished myself for the stronger woman I was already becoming.

I cannot get angry that someone does not feel the same about me, but confused, yes. I still don’t understand how someone can love you one day and envision building a family and a lifetime with you and then one day think you are no longer their match. I don’t know if meeting your match and building a foundation with someone is the doing of the universe or if it’s ultimately controlled by you. If there was a connection to begin with, an alignment in values, vision and goals – is it up to the two individuals to work, invest and grow that connection? Or do you interpret obstacles as signs from the universe that your current path is not the right one? I don’t know and maybe after my heart has healed and my head is clear I will understand a little more. Maybe I’ll look back and appreciate how I needed one door to close for another one to open.

I’ve been through my share of heartaches before, but what is interesting this time is that my reaction is a lot different. I think that the reason why I’m not in a ball crying everyday eating tubs of icecream is because I know there is light at the end of the tunnel versus the first time when I thought my world was coming to an end. It is a choice to be a victim or to see the positivity and opportunities for growth in the hardest moments. I also understand that while there is immediate pain, confusion, and the feeling of missing someone now – once the initial reaction subsides, I will look back at nothing but happy memories. I am fortunate to have shared such a beautiful relationship and so many great moments with such a beautiful soul.

I still have moments that overwhelm me when I’m angry, bitter, disappointed and want to scream to God, “why is this happening to me?” That’s when I start to question what may be wrong with me, what is the reason and rationale on how someone can love you one day and not the next. But the moment passes eventually, and I realize that yes, I will love again, and yes, one day, someone will love me just as I am.