“I want him to be more romantic…I want him to plan ahead more…I want him to want to do the dishes!”
Ahh, I’m sure many women out there find these words familiar.
I was having a conversation with a few friends and one of my girlfriends was commenting on how her guy never romanced her. When she asked him why, he said that he didn’t want – as they were not committed, being romantic might send the wrong signals. Her point was, even if they were not technically “committed” she didn’t feel he was 100% when he was with her.
My friend Michael stepped in and said…”Wait a minute, why would you be with someone who was not 100% with you? If a guy was into you, he would be all those things that you complain that is lacking.Why waste your time and energy?”
Each person, male or female has it in them to love, to be romantic, to be considerate and caring. If they are not being like that with you it doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with either person, rather, when combined together it just doesn’t fit right. It’s sort of like a chemical balance. You need the two particular chemicals to make up a compound. Even if you increase one chemical excessively, if it’s not the right mix, the chemical reaction just wont occur. (i hope that just made sense, ha!)
Two years ago my friend Michael met a woman and for the first time he is everything that women dream of. The thing is, his girlfriend doesn’t need to tell him or ask him, he is giving, romantic, affectionate and loving naturally. It’s the only way he knows how to be when he is with her. He told us how In the past he was not like this with girls, and similar to my girlfriend frustrated at not being romanced, his ex-girfriends complained and nagged him for it. It wasn’t that he just didn’t “have it in him”, he just wasn’t with the right person to bring it out in him.
While this is a lot easier said than done, I think many people settle for someone who is not the right fit and lie to themselves and make justifications for what they know is missing. Sure, you should experiment, explore, but there comes a point when the newness and fun wears off, and you are left with the reality of what the relationship really is.
It can be frightening…to leave what is comfortable and then face the disappointments in what else is out there. I know so many people (and I admit to have doing this myself), that keep things open with someone, (with no technical committments of course), in hopes that they will just wait for something better to come along so they can finally end it with the last person.However, I truly believe that the forces of the universe will not allow another book to open in your life if you are still dabbling in another.
I guess perhaps it is a matter of faith. How much faith and patience do you have to have the strength to not settle for what you know in your heart isn’t quite right? I’ve had faith for a long time and I hope that I don’t ever let that faith be defeated.