A few weeks ago I met a man named John* at a friend’s event. He was extremely successful in the traditional sense of financial wealth, well-traveled, approaching 50, living a single bachelor lifestyle and… depressed. As he bragged about his dates with models and sexual conquests, I rolled my eyes and labelled him as a typical douchebag. He made a few remarks that made me feel like he was objectifying me, and I snapped at him with a sharp tongue. However, I realised that in my reaction to be defensive, I forgot compassion and understanding of the key driver behind such behaviour: the need to be liked, accepted and loved.
I meet many people like this and I am typically quick to pass judgement. However, these people are not different from me, or you in the sense of our root intentions. We are all chasing the same thing – love and acceptance. It’s just that some (ok many), haven’t figured out the right path. And a big handful of these people, like John* use sexual conquests, money and ill attempts to impress others to try to get it.
Underneath it all, we are all the same, driven by the same need & desire which is love. Love from others, love for others, love for ourself. The need for love is the one thing every human being has in common. That love is what makes us feel happiness, joy and fulfilment. That love is what gives us meaning and purpose. That love is what makes life worth living. Unfortunately, our society has taught us quick ways to get a false sense of this love, causing us to fall further and further away from true intimacy, self acceptance and contentment.
Some food for thought – is what you are doing in your life bringing you closer to love? Love for others? Love for yourself? Is your dating strategy bringing you closer to intimacy, a healthy connection and gratifying joy? Or are you repeatedly finding yourself chasing the fleeting pleasure of momentary highs through sex with people you don’t really care about?
And in the very end, when you are on your deathbed, will you be at peace knowing that you gave all the love you could? Think about it…is what you are doing bringing you closer to love? If not, then what are you really chasing?
*name has been changed