Why are you single?

Ok, so I’m writing another blog on relationships and some of you may think I think about this topic too much. But, this topic is something that typical rules don’t apply and equations don’t seem to be very effective and thus, a topic that many find confusing, including myself. In this past year, I’ve dealt with a few experiences that stirred up emotion and I’m starting to learn from the experiences and thus am writing about my developing opinions on the matter.

Once in a while someone asks why me or some of my friends are single as if being single is where you don’t want to be. “Why are you single?” That’s actually a funny question, why not? I’ve felt pressure on more than one occasion to be in a relationship because that’s what felt “normal”. I’ve also had the thought that, if I don’t get relationship experince now, then when I do meet the person I spend the rest of my life with, then I might not know how to be a perfect girlfriend/wife because I’ve had no practice.

I asked my friend about this and he shed some light on the topic. He disagreed with my idea about how one needs compounded experience to lead up to one good one. Each experience you have with someone, is unique to that relationship, and does not mean you necessarily take that experience and apply it to the next relationship. In fact, if you look at the people you know who have been in shitty relationships, instead of that experience helping them in their next relationship, most of the times they carry the negatvity to the next. For instance, how many people do you know that have been cheated on or had a bad relationship go into the next one a bit jaded, cynical, closed or detached? Speaking for myself, I’d admit that some of the reasons why I am detached and have guards up is because of that past experience. I don’t hold any regrets, but the things I’ve learned from dating I think I would’ve eventually figured out on my own, just through living life. And maybe when you finally meet that person you not only have a connection with but also fit with and are at a point in your lives and menatilty where a reciprocated effort can be made….you’ll just know.

I think a lot of people may feel the pressure of finding a partner. I mean, “normal” people get married around their early 30′s and have kids by 35 right? So when we don’t fit that “normal”description, is something wrong with us? Well, considering the increasingly high divorce rate and just judging by the unhappy relationships of the people you know, it’s apparent that what is the “norm” isn’t working out too well. So why do we conform to that norm or feel pressured to do so? Perhaps instead of the “why are you single?” question, the more appropriate one to ask those stuck in bad relationships, “why are you NOT single?”. eerps.

Perhaps if we stopped looking for love, stop deluding ourself we “need” it and stopped allowing societal norms and nagging parents pressure us we would be happier. Perhaps if instead we focused on loving ourself, loving what we do and create and giving love to our family, friends and to the world, we’d find that fulfillment and empowerment we strive for.

In no way am I putting down people who are in healthy relationships or those who feel a bit lonely sometimes. Hey, its human nature to feel the want for affection and cuddles. Backrubs are nice too. hehehe
I’m all for healthy relationships…emphasize the word healthy.

I haven’t been in a relationship forever and at times I’ve felt “impossible” or that something was wrong wtih me. Feeling that is part of being human too. But like all human characteristics, its a choice that we make if we want to get on the train with it and let that affect you negatively.

=)